WAAAYTOOO Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Why must you knock before opening the refrigerator door ? Because you wouldn’t want to catch the salad, dressing. ba-dump-bump RickinSTL, Fireman973, FoxboroCruiser and 26 others 3 2 23 1 Quote
RickinSTL Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs through your genes lol coneyraven, Chadster, FManke and 18 others 5 16 Quote
RCIfan1912 Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 I don't have any jokes but we need a thread like this. lakeland, Dan Curtis, Ogilthorpe and 6 others 6 3 Quote
RickinSTL Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 I know 25 letters of the alphabet and I don't know Why.. Baked Alaska, WAAAYTOOO, Fireman973 and 10 others 4 8 1 Quote
SpeedNoodles Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 54 minutes ago, WAAAYTOOO said: Why must you knock before opening the refrigerator door ? Because you wouldn’t want to catch the salad, dressing. ba-dump-bump You have NO idea how much I need this thread today. ellcee, WAAAYTOOO, CruzOnBye and 6 others 6 1 2 Quote
WAAAYTOOO Posted April 3, 2020 Author Report Posted April 3, 2020 Why couldn’t the fish sign onto the Internet ? Because he forgot his BASSword FManke, CruzOnBye, RickinSTL and 8 others 5 6 Quote
Ampurp85 Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 What did the Fisherman say to the Magician? Pick a cod, any cod. Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll. Chadster, FManke, lakeland and 12 others 4 11 Quote
nhilding10 Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Knock, Knock Who's there? On a street of 25 houses, you're the only one without a doorbell! Ogilthorpe, Fireman973, GigiTer and 9 others 3 8 1 Quote
hail73 Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear JohnK6404, Fireman973, Ogilthorpe and 9 others 2 10 Quote
DDaley Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down stairs? A condescending con descending! hail73, Chadster, Neesa and 14 others 3 14 Quote
Branderson610 Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Why did the girl bring toilet paper to the party? Because she is a party pooper! Fireman973, WAAAYTOOO, Chadster and 7 others 1 9 Quote
Chadster Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Did you hear about the diminutive psychic who broke out of jail? She's a short medium at large. RTA Gaming, FManke, Fireman973 and 6 others 1 7 1 Quote
KristiZ Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSSSHHHH. FManke, MaryS, RCIfan1912 and 10 others 2 11 Quote
PRebecca Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 7 minutes ago, KristiZ said: What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSSSHHHH. this is my favorite joke of all time Fireman973, Chadster, KristiZ and 1 other 1 3 Quote
CruzOnBye Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 What’s the best way to get in touch with a fish? drop it a line! Chadster, Fireman973, JohnK6404 and 5 others 2 6 Quote
Chadster Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants. "Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?" "Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts." MaryS, Ray, Ogilthorpe and 11 others 2 12 Quote
Dan Curtis Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 3 minutes ago, Chadster said: A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants. "Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?" "Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts." Now that’s funny. RCIfan1912, Ogilthorpe and Fireman973 2 1 Quote
Dan Curtis Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 How much does a pirate pay for corn? A Buccaneer. Chadster, Ogilthorpe, WAAAYTOOO and 8 others 2 9 Quote
Seadog Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 What do you call two guys hanging over a window. Curt n Rod. ellcee, MaryS, WAAAYTOOO and 8 others 1 10 Quote
WAAAYTOOO Posted April 3, 2020 Author Report Posted April 3, 2020 6 minutes ago, Dan Curtis said: How much does a pirate pay for corn? A Buccaneer. That’s an oldie but goodie. Dan Curtis, Ogilthorpe and RCIfan1912 2 1 Quote
Chadster Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender's a bit taken aback. "A beer? Ya sure, pal? Y'know...we've got a drink named after you!" "Oh, yeah?" the insect asks. "You've got a drink called 'Irving'?" Ogilthorpe, JohnK6404, RCIfan1912 and 6 others 1 8 Quote
Ampurp85 Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Why did the baker get a second job? She needed to raise more dough. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine Why did the pony go to the doctor? He was a little horse. Also my favorite of all time Why do white girls travel in odd numbers? Because they CAN"T even.... Ogilthorpe, WAAAYTOOO, RTA Gaming and 6 others 1 8 Quote
rjac Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 After all these years, my wife still thinks I'm sexy. Every time I walk by her she says, "What an ass!" My wife tells me I have two major faults. I don't listen.......and something else. Fireman973, RCIfan1912, RWDW1204 and 9 others 1 10 1 Quote
Ogilthorpe Posted April 3, 2020 Report Posted April 3, 2020 Q: every fall (for those of us in the north) the geese fly south for the winter. For a few weeks, you can look to the sky and see large formations of geese flying in a giant "V". One curious aspect of the formation is that it is not balanced, one leg of the "V" is always longer. After years of research, they now know why. What do you think causes the phenomenon? A: More geese on that side! ellcee, coneyraven, Baked Alaska and 6 others 1 6 1 1 Quote
melmar02 Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 Why are skeletons afraid of dogs? Because they eat bones! cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, JohnK6404 and 6 others 1 8 Quote
melmar02 Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop! Fireman973, Ogilthorpe, Chadster and 4 others 1 6 Quote
Fireman973 Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 A dog walks into a restaurant and sits at one of the tables. The waiter immediately shows up and promptly points to a sign on the wall that says " No dogs allowed !!" The dog looks at the waiter and says " So who's smoking ? " This was my late dad's favorite joke I still laugh more at his telling it than the actual joke SteveinSC, WAAAYTOOO, Ogilthorpe and 3 others 1 5 Quote
FManke Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 Customer: "Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!" Waiter: "Well sir, it was fresh ground this morning." And no, this wasn't the regular coffee served by RCCL. mathbees, Chadster, Fireman973 and 3 others 1 5 Quote
FManke Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 What do you get, when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Ele-phino! RCIfan1912, Fireman973, WAAAYTOOO and 2 others 1 4 Quote
Auto Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop." Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?" RCIfan1912, WAAAYTOOO, Chadster and 3 others 1 5 Quote
FManke Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 Here are two favorites from my childhood. Not because they are all that funny, they don't really make any sense, that's the point, but because of the reaction people have after you tell them. They either just look at you, because they don't get it or they have a kind of funny, nervous laugh, because they don't get it, but they think they should. Kids do love them though. Q: You're rowing your rowboat across your front yard and your front rear wheel falls off. How pancakes can you fit in a dog house? A: None, because dogs don't like ice-cream on their bones! Two seals are sitting in a tub. One seal says to the other seal. "Pass me the soap." The other seal answers, "What do I look like? A chair?" Ogilthorpe, JLMoran, WAAAYTOOO and 2 others 1 2 2 Quote
mathbees Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 What do you call a doe with no eyeballs? No eye deer? Chadster, WAAAYTOOO and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote
mathbees Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 What do you call a doe with no eyeballs and no legs? Still no eye deer? Chadster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
mathbees Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 What do you call a buck with no eyeballs, no legs and no testicles? Still no f'ing eye deer? Ogilthorpe and Chadster 2 Quote
Ogilthorpe Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells the doc he is having a dilemma...some times he thinks he's a teepee ...other times he thinks he's a wigwam. The shrink says, "I think I see your problem, you're two tents" Fireman973, FManke and Chadster 2 1 Quote
Chadster Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 A man sits near another man on a bus. "How's it goin'?" he asks the guy. "Um...I'm pretty sure the wheels go 'round and 'round." Ogilthorpe, Fireman973, FManke and 1 other 2 2 Quote
melmar02 Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish! Ogilthorpe, WAAAYTOOO, Chadster and 2 others 1 4 Quote
Ampurp85 Posted April 4, 2020 Report Posted April 4, 2020 Why should a staircase never be trusted? They are always up to something. What do you call a number that never stays in one place? A roamin' numeral Why aren't Koalas actual bears? They don't meet the koalifications. RCIfan1912, Ogilthorpe, Chadster and 3 others 1 5 Quote
WAAAYTOOO Posted April 4, 2020 Author Report Posted April 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ampurp85 said: Why should a staircase never be trusted? They are always up to something. What do you call a number that never stays in one place? A roamin' numeral Why aren't Koalas actual bears? They don't meet the koalifications. Those are all adorable! FManke, Fireman973 and RCIfan1912 3 Quote
Chadster Posted April 5, 2020 Report Posted April 5, 2020 Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction. FManke, Fireman973, WAAAYTOOO and 1 other 1 3 Quote
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