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Corny Jokes


WAAAYTOOO

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A cruise ship captain was waiting to set sail, but didn't have as many people on board as he needed to make it worth while, so he got an idea, he would go to the boardwalk, and offer people half price for tickets. He got a couple of takers, but not enough. 

Then he got another idea, he would offer half price tickets, and free food! Again, he was able to spark the interest of a few more people, but he still needed to fill a couple more rooms. 

As he was brainstorming, he saw a little girl playing with a kitten, and he got an idea. He ran to a pet store and bought all of the kittens they had. Then brought them back to port, and offered a free kitten to anyone who bought a ticket. It worked like a charm, and before long he was out of kittens and had sold out of all his cabin space. Happily, he headed back to the bridge and prepared to cast off. 

His first mate smiled admirably at him, and said, "wow, captain, you did it, you sold all the tickets we have room for! "

The captain replied, "Yeah, but it took meowers."

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Transcript of a radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Over.

Americans: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Over.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Over.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Over.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. Over.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. OVER.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Over.

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