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Corny Jokes


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  A pirate goes into a bar and the bartender says: "Long time since I've seen you , man, you look terrible".  The pirate says: "I feel fine".

The bartender says:  "Well, you didn"t have that wooden leg last time I saw you".  "Well, I got into a battle and a cannon ball hit me in the leg,  but I'm ok"

"Well you didn't have that hook on your arm either".  The pirate says:  "Got in a sword fight and lost my hand".

The bartender says: "What about the eye patch?"   The pirate replies: " Well a bunch of sea gulls flew over the boat and when i looked up one of them crapped right in my eye."

The bartender says :" How did that make you lose your eye?"  The pirate replies: "It was the first day with the hook".

 

 

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8 hours ago, rjac said:

my riddle wasn't asking for an answer. It was merely stating a fact, ie, "what has four letters.....".

Nor did I answer your riddle.  I merely stated another fact... (and a question mark at the end of a statement usually indicates a question, if we're being pedantic).

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When ships were made of wood and men were made of iron, gun powder fired cannons sat on deck for defense.

These cannons used round cannon balls made of iron for ammunition.

In order to keep the ammunition handy, a triangle shaped rack sat next to the cannon. The cannon balls were stacked inside this rack, taking on the shape of a pyramid.

Like everything on ships, these racks had a name. They were called monkeys.

Since the monkeys were somewhat permanent fixtures on board and subject to sea and and salt, they were made of brass to prevent rust and corrosion.

As the ships navigated the world they would sometimes find themselves in arctic or antarctic waters with temperatures dipping into the negative digits.

This would sometimes create a problem in that metals would shrink or contract in cold temperatures.

The brass of the monkey rack, being a softer metal, would contract more than the iron cannon balls it held in place.

This resulted in the iron cannon balls sometimes being squeezed out of the monkey rack where they would roll around the deck generally creating havoc.

And thus coining the phrase:

"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

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This popped up in my FB feed the other day, figured I'd share:

 

A prominent linguist died. At the funeral, one of his former colleagues approached the linguist's widow and asked if he might say a word. She nodded, and he went up to the dais. He said, "Plethora", and sat back down.

She smiled and through her tears said, "That means a lot."

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