rjac Posted March 22, 2021 Report Posted March 22, 2021 7 hours ago, JLMoran said: And at a certain point, an expletive. Or an obscene hand gesture at least! WAAAYTOOO and Big Tule 1 1 Quote
nhilding10 Posted March 23, 2021 Report Posted March 23, 2021 We all know why 6 was afraid of 7; because 7, 8 (ate), 9...but do we know WHY 7 ate 9? Because they needed 3 "squared" meals a day! cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
FManke Posted March 24, 2021 Report Posted March 24, 2021 What are caterpillars afraid of? Dogerpillars Ogilthorpe 1 Quote
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and poorly dressed man on a tricycle? Attire. JLMoran, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 Wife: It's cold in here! Husband: Go stand in the corner. Wife: Why? Husband: The corner is 90° Big Tule, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 I have a phobia of German sausage. I fear the wurst. Ogilthorpe, JLMoran, Big Tule and 1 other 4 Quote
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 Ancient Proverb: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 Man to his wife: Did you hear about the actress who stabbed a paparazzi with her fork? Her name is Reese something or other. Wife: Witherspoon? Man: NO! With her fork! JLMoran, AlmondFarmer, RWDW1204 and 2 others 5 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 2 hours ago, twangster said: Wife: It's cold in here! Husband: Go stand in the corner. Wife: Why? Husband: The corner is 90° (After that, he doesn't remember anything before waking up in the hospital) FIFY Quote
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Posted March 29, 2021 Cows have hooves because they lactose. Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted March 30, 2021 Report Posted March 30, 2021 A Spanish magician tell the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “uno, dos...” then POOF he disappears without a tres... Big Tule, Ogilthorpe, JLMoran and 1 other 4 Quote
SPS Posted March 30, 2021 Report Posted March 30, 2021 A friend of mine is always complaining about his car from Sweden. I'm tired of his Saab stories. RWDW1204, rjac, JLMoran and 3 others 6 Quote
twangster Posted March 30, 2021 Report Posted March 30, 2021 There is a lot that could have been done better this year. Hindsight is 2020. Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted March 31, 2021 Report Posted March 31, 2021 A man in a hardware store picks up a can of wasp spray and asks a clerk “is this good for hornets?”. The clerk answers “No, it kills them”. JLMoran, 4ensic, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted March 31, 2021 Report Posted March 31, 2021 A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll you have?" The rabbit replies "I don't know. I'm only here because of auto-correct." JLMoran, 4ensic, RWDW1204 and 3 others 6 Quote
twangster Posted April 1, 2021 Report Posted April 1, 2021 A scientist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone thought he was crazy but he was 0K. Ogilthorpe, AlmondFarmer, RWDW1204 and 3 others 6 Quote
AlmondFarmer Posted April 1, 2021 Report Posted April 1, 2021 47 minutes ago, twangster said: A scientist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone thought he was crazy but he was 0K. Absolute zero will not think this is funny RWDW1204 and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
AlmondFarmer Posted April 1, 2021 Report Posted April 1, 2021 A photon enters a hotel lobby. “do you have any luggage?” asks the receptionist. photon replies “no, I’m traveling light” Ogilthorpe, SebagoSue, JLMoran and 3 others 2 4 Quote
AlmondFarmer Posted April 1, 2021 Report Posted April 1, 2021 I often get asked the correct pronunciation of “Almond” It depends...they are “almonds” when on the tree and “amonds” once off the tree. To get them off the tree, you gotta skake the “L” out of them. twangster, Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote
twangster Posted April 2, 2021 Report Posted April 2, 2021 Miles is such a long name. RWDW1204 1 Quote
twangster Posted April 2, 2021 Report Posted April 2, 2021 Did you hear the story of the cow superhero? It was legend-dairy. RWDW1204, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 1 2 Quote
Ampurp85 Posted April 6, 2021 Report Posted April 6, 2021 What do you call a mythical creature that always wants to be in the spotlight? The centaur of attention What is the quietest sport? Bowling...you can hear a pin drop Why do opera singers make good sailors? They can handle high C's cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, JLMoran and 1 other 4 Quote
twangster Posted April 6, 2021 Report Posted April 6, 2021 A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 6, 2021 Report Posted April 6, 2021 There’s a shoplifting gang going through town systemically stealing clothes in size order. The police said they are still at large. RWDW1204, cruisellama, Ampurp85 and 2 others 5 Quote
twangster Posted April 7, 2021 Report Posted April 7, 2021 Why are elevator jokes the best? They work on so many levels. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
cruisellama Posted April 7, 2021 Report Posted April 7, 2021 Why did Humpty Dumpty love autumn? - Because he had a great fall! Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote
SPS Posted April 7, 2021 Report Posted April 7, 2021 Little known fact: Koi fish travel in groups of four for safety. If a predator attacks, A, B, & C Koi can escape because the predator always goes after the D Koi. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204 and 2 others 1 4 Quote
twangster Posted April 7, 2021 Report Posted April 7, 2021 If you have a bladder infection... urine trouble. RWDW1204, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote
Big Tule Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 JLMoran, Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and 2 others 5 Quote
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 Come to think of it the shovel was a groundbreaking invention. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote
cruisellama Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender says, "Oh? What do you have?" "Fifty cents!" Ogilthorpe, Big Tule, RWDW1204 and 2 others 5 Quote
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 Can February March? No but April May. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 i gave away all my dead batteries... free of charge. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote
JLMoran Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 Putting on my hazmat suit. This thread is turning into a pun fallout zone. cruisellama and emmef 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 14 minutes ago, JLMoran said: Putting on my hazmat suit. This thread is turning into a pun fallout zone. Do we need a Corny Pun thread? BTW... A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame. Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204 and cruisellama 1 2 Quote
teddy Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 This thread has been great, especially after a long day of dealing with the public. Thanks to all who contribute. PRebecca, emmef, cruisellama and 4 others 7 Quote
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 Today a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester. cruisellama, coneyraven and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote
cruisellama Posted April 8, 2021 Report Posted April 8, 2021 9 hours ago, cruisellama said: A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender says, "Oh? What do you have?" "Fifty cents!" He should have had a premium beverage package. Ogilthorpe and coneyraven 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 9, 2021 Report Posted April 9, 2021 I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that seafood because now I feel a little eel. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote
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