twangster Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with. PPPJJ-GCVAB, RWDW1204, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 5, 2021 Report Share Posted May 5, 2021 Why did the writer make so many mistakes? He was a typo personality. Ogilthorpe, PPPJJ-GCVAB and twangster 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, FManke and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPS Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 A nurse walks into an art store and asks, "Do you have any boxes of crayons that are all red?" The clerk says, "No, they only come in assorted colors. Why would you want all red crayons?" The nurse says, "I need them for work. I draw blood." Ogilthorpe, cruisellama, twangster and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmondFarmer Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 Two antennas got married, the ceremony was boring but the reception was excellent. Ogilthorpe, twangster, cruisellama and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 My ex-wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ampurp85 Posted May 6, 2021 Report Share Posted May 6, 2021 Why did the football team run into the woods? The quarterback yelled *hike!* Why is it hard to trick a ballerina? They are always on their toes. How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it. Ogilthorpe, twangster and cruisellama 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 7, 2021 Report Share Posted May 7, 2021 What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y! LovetoCruise87, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovetoCruise87 Posted May 7, 2021 Report Share Posted May 7, 2021 What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. Thank you, thank you. I 'll be here through the weekend. lol twangster, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLMoran Posted May 7, 2021 Report Share Posted May 7, 2021 Knock knock. Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? DWAYNE THE TUB, I’M DWOWNING!!! cruisellama, twangster and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 7, 2021 Report Share Posted May 7, 2021 How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 8, 2021 Report Share Posted May 8, 2021 Why did the pirate walk the plank? His dog was back on land. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 9, 2021 Report Share Posted May 9, 2021 Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Ampurp85, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 9, 2021 Report Share Posted May 9, 2021 Where do the sick boats go for checkups? To the doc. twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 9, 2021 Report Share Posted May 9, 2021 What kind of vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks. twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 9, 2021 Report Share Posted May 9, 2021 Why did the students go on the boat? To get their scholar-ship! Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 9, 2021 Report Share Posted May 9, 2021 Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise! twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 10, 2021 Report Share Posted May 10, 2021 What happens when a frog’s car dies? He needs a jump. If that doesn’t work he has to get it toad. cruisellama, Ampurp85 and Ogilthorpe 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted May 10, 2021 Report Share Posted May 10, 2021 As you all know Melinda and Bill Gates got a divorce. Melinda got the house and Bill got the windows. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and Big Tule 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 Why did the coffee file a police report? It was mugged. 12thman, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 The booze cruise On the last night of the cruise, it’s discovered that there’s been a miscalculation with the food. Just before dinner, the captain announces over the loudspeaker… “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I’m sorry to inform you that there are 2,000 passengers on board, but only enough food for 1,000 people. However, we do have plenty of drinks, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise.” A few hours later, the captain makes another announcement… “I apologize, but it appears that we have run out of alcohol. However, if anyone is hungry, we do still have 1,000 meals available.” Ogilthorpe, Big Tule, twangster and 5 others 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 The magician and the parrot A magician worked on a cruise ship, performing the same tricks each week for new passengers. The captain’s pet parrot came to all the shows and figured out how the tricks worked. He began to shout out during the shows. “It’s up his sleeve”, and suchlike, spoiling the illusions. The magician was annoyed but couldn’t do anything as the parrot belonged to the captain. One night, the ship sank. The magician found himself stranded on a desert island, along with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred for days, neither uttering a word. Finally, after three days, the parrot couldn’t hold back any longer. “Okay, I give up”, he said. “What did you do with the ship?” Big Tule, cruisellama and PRebecca 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 Scotch and water A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and asks for a Scotch with two drops of water. She says: “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today!” “Congratulations!” says the bartender. “This one’s on me.” As she finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I’d like to buy you a drink too” “Thank you, ” says the lady. “I’ll have another Scotch with two drops of water”. The man to her left says, “I’d like to buy you a birthday drink too”. So the old lady orders yet another Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gave her the drink, he asked the lady, “I’m so curious. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water? The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue!” cruisellama 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 cruisellama, JLMoran and Big Tule 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 JLMoran and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 Thought of @Mattwhen I saw this one. JLMoran 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 Never want this to be my cruise!! cruisellama 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 THIS IS ME!!! cruisellama 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 FOR THOSE WHO ARE GOING ON ADVENTURE OF THE SEAS: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 JLMoran 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 11, 2021 Report Share Posted May 11, 2021 JLMoran 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 12, 2021 Report Share Posted May 12, 2021 Bad Dad Jokes with Michael Bayley Part 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 12, 2021 Report Share Posted May 12, 2021 It's a 5 minute walk from my cabin to the bar. It's a 45 minute walk from the bar to my cabin. The difference is staggering. LovetoCruise87, 12thman, Big Tule and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12thman Posted May 12, 2021 Report Share Posted May 12, 2021 JLMoran, LovetoCruise87, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. FManke, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 What's a gardeners favorite crime show? Lawn and Order twangster, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPS Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 Bono and The Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Not U2 again!" twangster, cruisellama, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovetoCruise87 Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 A cruise ship passenger is looking out to sea when he sees a small island. On the island, he spots a thin, suntanned man, with wild hair. He can see the man jumping up and down and waving. The passenger turns around and sees the Captain, so he draws his attention to the man. “Captain, what’s up with that guy?” The Captain shrugs his shoulders. “No idea. He’s always that happy when we sail past.” twangster, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovetoCruise87 Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 My cabin steward is amazing! I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and my bed has been made! cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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