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For those who are not doctors or nurses, here is a translation: 

84-year-old female patient from Emergency department.  Previous medical history of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, congestive heart failure, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, atrial fibrillation, and past surgical history of coronary artery bypass graft x 4, right total knee replacement, left total hip replacement.  History of vancomycin-resistant enterococci, methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus.  Will need peripherally inserted central catheter, chest x-ray, type and cross for two units packed red blood cells, immediately.


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The Fence Repair - Australian style !!!



Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence

at Government House.


One is from Cabramatta, another is from

Marrickville, and the third is from Lane Cove.



All three go with an official to examine the fence.

The Cabramatta contractor takes out a tape measure

and does some measuring, then works some figures

with a pencil.


"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900,

$400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit

for me."


The Marrickville contractor also does some measuring

and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700.

That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100

profit for me."


The Lane Cove contractor doesn't measure or figure,

but leans over to the government official and whispers,



The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure

like the other guys. How did you come up with such a

high figure?"


The Lane Cove contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me,

$1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Marrickville to

fix the fence."


"Done!" Replies the government official.


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