Herman Hinkelstein Posted July 30, 2024 Report Posted July 30, 2024 Why did it smell bad in the losing army camp? because they were facing de-feet WAAAYTOOO and SplashOfWater 2 Quote
rjac Posted August 11, 2024 Report Posted August 11, 2024 We have a new airline servicing our local airport. It is for bald and balding people. It's call Receding Hairlines. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
WAAAYTOOO Posted August 21, 2024 Author Report Posted August 21, 2024 5 minutes ago, rjac said: Good one, Robert ! rjac 1 Quote
rjac Posted August 25, 2024 Report Posted August 25, 2024 Here's some good advice for all the men Ampurp85 and WAAAYTOOO 1 1 Quote
rjac Posted September 8, 2024 Report Posted September 8, 2024 I can do paper or plastic because I am bisackual. Beer is like duct tape. It fixes everything. When I was younger and single I found out two things. Kitchen sex can be wild and exciting. And the staff at McDonald's were quite narrow minded. By the time you're 80 years old, you've learned everything. The problem is remembering it. I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's giving me lately! WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
rjac Posted October 19, 2024 Report Posted October 19, 2024 Algebra is like a divorce. You look at your x and wonder y? The difference between me and superman is he has super vision. I require supervision. I don't mean to brag, but last weekend I put together a jig saw puzzle in one day! On the box it said 2-4 years, My wife told me I've grown as a person. Her actual words were you've gotten fat. But I know what she meant. My wife asked me what I'm doing today and I said nothing. She said, but you did that yesterday. I said, yes, I know, but I didn't finish! RWDW1204 and WAAAYTOOO 2 Quote
JustMeJoe Posted October 19, 2024 Report Posted October 19, 2024 Here's a really bad one. What does my dentist call my dental x-rays?? Toothpicks. rjac 1 Quote
Hoppy2BHere Posted October 20, 2024 Report Posted October 20, 2024 Two antenna got married. Wedding wasn’t much but the reception was great… WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
SPS Posted November 8, 2024 Report Posted November 8, 2024 fireclan, ckruetze, SplashOfWater and 2 others 1 4 Quote
rjac Posted November 16, 2024 Report Posted November 16, 2024 The difference between booze and weed. Five drunks will start a fight and five stoned people will start a band. WAAAYTOOO and fireclan 1 1 Quote
rjac Posted December 7, 2024 Report Posted December 7, 2024 wow, NOTHING new since 11/16, what did all the wanna be comics go? I don't think we get smarter as we get older. We just run out of stupid things to do. What do you call a reluctant potato? A hesi tater. Well, I'll never be asked to go caroling at the psychiatric hospital again. I guess singing "do you hear what I hear" was not a great idea. They say "money talks" all mine ever said was "good bye". They also say "exercise makes you look better naked". So does alcohol! RWDW1204 and WAAAYTOOO 2 Quote
SPS Posted December 9, 2024 Report Posted December 9, 2024 On 12/7/2024 at 3:48 PM, rjac said: wow, NOTHING new since 11/16, what did all the wanna be comics go? Careful what you wish for! Someone glued my deck of cards together and I just can't deal with it! rjac, WAAAYTOOO and RWDW1204 3 Quote
rjac Posted December 22, 2024 Report Posted December 22, 2024 Now I know I am old. I filled out an online survey to determine what is my animal personality. The results came back extinct. I may be old, but I am getting stronger with age. Just the other day I was able to lift a $100 bag of groceries with one arm. I picked up this pretty young lady in a bar and we went back to my place. I asked her what she likes to do and she said spank me. Why, I asked her and she said she likes to be disciplined. So, I made her stand in the corner. There's a new senior dating website on the internet. It's called carbon dating. WAAAYTOOO and RWDW1204 2 Quote
rjac Posted January 5 Report Posted January 5 What do you call a cup of sad coffee? Depresso. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
rjac Posted January 6 Report Posted January 6 Why are golf balls like the years that have passed? You never know where they went. JustMeJoe and WAAAYTOOO 1 1 Quote
rjac Posted January 14 Report Posted January 14 On the way home today, I bought a doughnut without any sprinkles. Wow, diets can be so hard! Did you know that every time you pour a cup of coffee 14 muscles are activated? Fitness has become my passion! Please pray for my wife. Nothing is wrong with her, she's married to me, and I am a lot. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
FJ28 Posted January 18 Report Posted January 18 I burned 2000 calories today. That will be the last time I take a nap while the brownies are baking. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
rjac Posted January 26 Report Posted January 26 There's a new transgender rom com movie coming out this spring. The title is "When Harry became Sally". WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
rjac Posted February 1 Report Posted February 1 Did you know that a lion would never play golf? But a tiger would. Did you hear about the alcoholic that tried to become a lawyer? He couldn't pass the bar. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
rjac Posted March 5 Report Posted March 5 The wrinkles on face show how I like to laugh and smile. My grey hair shows I care. The scars on my body show how I lived and my belly shows I like snacks. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
BigKarl Posted April 21 Report Posted April 21 On 4/11/2020 at 3:12 PM, JLMoran said: This popped up in my FB feed the other day, figured I'd share: A prominent linguist died. At the funeral, one of his former colleagues approached the linguist's widow and asked if he might say a word. She nodded, and he went up to the dais. He said, "Plethora", and sat back down. She smiled and through her tears said, "That means a lot." That man is a real "Cunning Linguist" RWDW1204, AlmondFarmer and WAAAYTOOO 1 2 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 21 Report Posted April 21 6 hours ago, BigKarl said: That man is a real "Cunning Linguist" Brings back memories of a sailboat with that name we encountered in St. Michaels, MD for many years of sailing trips on the Chesapeake. BigKarl 1 Quote
BigKarl Posted April 21 Report Posted April 21 Three Individuals make it to the Pearly Gates but heaven is full right now so Saint Peter says, "I will ask each of you a question and if you answer correctly you will be let in. He asks the first person: Who were the first two people on Earth? That is easy she says aloud it was Adam and Eve. Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. Bells ring out! Lights flash and the gates open allowing her to pass. Saint Peter says I need to make these questions a little tougher so he asked the gentleman: " How did Eve get Adam in trouble?" Not so tough says the man, she tempted him with the forbidden Fruit. Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. Bells ring out! Lights flash and the gates open allowing him to pass. Saint Peter thinks to himself, I must make this last question really tough as there is limited space in Heaven so he asks the third woman, "What did Eve say to Adam the first time she saw him standing Naked in the Garden." The Woman thinks for a moment and then says to Saint Peter, "Man that is a hard one!" Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. WAAAYTOOO, RWDW1204 and AlmondFarmer 3 Quote
BigKarl Posted April 21 Report Posted April 21 My wife being a Bank Manager she liked this one. A frog goes in to a bank and asks for a Loan. The bank loan officer, Patricia Mack asks the frog, "What collateral do you have?" The frog produces a pristine porcelain figurine but Patricia turns him down. The Bank Manager seeing a disappointed customer comes over and asks what seems to be the problem? Patricia tells the manager that the customer only has a figurine to back his loan request! The Bank Manager promptly speaks up: Its a Knick Knack Patty Mack, give the frog his loan. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 21 Report Posted April 21 15 minutes ago, BigKarl said: Three Individuals make it to the Pearly Gates but heaven is full right now so Saint Peter says, "I will ask each of you a question and if you answer correctly you will be let in. He asks the first person: Who were the first two people on Earth? That is easy she says aloud it was Adam and Eve. Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. Bells ring out! Lights flash and the gates open allowing her to pass. Saint Peter says I need to make these questions a little tougher so he asked the gentleman: " How did Eve get Adam in trouble?" Not so tough says the man, she tempted him with the forbidden Fruit. Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. Bells ring out! Lights flash and the gates open allowing him to pass. Saint Peter thinks to himself, I must make this last question really tough as there is limited space in Heaven so he asks the third woman, "What did Eve say to Adam the first time she saw him standing Naked in the Garden." The Woman thinks for a moment and then says to Saint Peter, "Man that is a hard one!" Ding.. Ding.. Ding.. Reminds me of a poem that circulated in high school which began: In the Garden of Eden, as everyone knows, Adam and Eve were without any clothes. WAAAYTOOO and BigKarl 2 Quote
rjac Posted April 30 Report Posted April 30 You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they're around your throat, she's probably feeling mad at you. You are officially old when it takes longer to get over a good time than to have it. Did you know, they're putting jokes on the back of bacon packages? It says, serving size two slices. WAAAYTOOO and RWDW1204 1 1 Quote
BigKarl Posted May 2 Report Posted May 2 I just saw a T-Shirt I like: "I enjoy romantic walks to the bar to redeem my drink vouchers!" WAAAYTOOO, rjac and AlmondFarmer 3 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted May 3 Report Posted May 3 Breaking into a chorus of The Lion Sleeps Tonight is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
SPS Posted May 5 Report Posted May 5 An apparel company advertised this t-shirt that came up in my FB feed last night. WAAAYTOOO, HeWhoWaits, rjac and 2 others 1 1 3 Quote
OCSC Mike Posted May 5 Report Posted May 5 7 hours ago, SPS said: An apparel company advertised this t-shirt that came up in my FB feed last night. Paging @GatorCruiser, this looks like it belongs in your collection. Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted May 5 Report Posted May 5 19 minutes ago, OCSC Mike said: Paging @GatorCruiser, this looks like it belongs in your collection. Already in my Amazon cart to be a Christmas gift for my wife (I won't order until I have enough for free shipping without paying for a Prime account). OCSC Mike 1 Quote
rjac Posted May 8 Report Posted May 8 19 muscles are activated when you open and drink a can of beer. I should be in great shape by the summer! I was on my computer this past weekend printing off some lists. All of a sudden, my printer started playing different kinds of music. I guess it was jamming. WAAAYTOOO 1 Quote
rjac Posted May 13 Report Posted May 13 When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow!You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!"As an adult, not so much. WAAAYTOOO and AshleyDillo 2 Quote
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