Corny Jokes

[LovetoCruise87]

[LovetoCruise87]

[rjac]

Do you all remember how cassette tapes had a side a and a side b? It only makes sense that they were replaced by cd.

[LovetoCruise87]

My cabin steward is amazing! I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, came back and my bed had been made!

[HeWhoWaits]

[HeWhoWaits]

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips.

I asked him “Are you the friar?”

He replied “No, I’m the chip monk...”

[rjac]

[HeWhoWaits]

15 hours ago, rjac said:

Aren't one set of joints supposed to help the trouble with the other set?

[HeWhoWaits]

[rjac]

[cdixon22]

On 5/11/2022 at 10:01 AM, LovetoCruise87 said:

The entire US could be tested in one day if Chick-fil-A were running the drive-thru

Funny because it is true!

[Gadget Hackwrench]

2 hours ago, cdixon22 said:

Funny because it is true!

Just make sure you don't schedule it for a Sunday!

[Gadget Hackwrench]

[cdixon22]

Nothing begins with N and ends in G

[rjac]

On 8/19/2022 at 6:56 PM, cdixon22 said:

Nothing begins with N and ends in G

Exactly!

[cdixon22]

My dog ate a bag of scrabble tiles so I took him to the vet.
 

No word yet.

[rjac]

[Gadget Hackwrench]

On 9/5/2022 at 11:58 AM, rjac said:

I think this comic would have gone over better for a different cruise ship company.

[rjac]

[rjac]

[Butch R]

[rjac]

[HeWhoWaits]

[rjac]

[FireFishII]

 

Why don't monsters eat ghosts? Because they taste like sheet.

[FireFishII]

What do you call two witches sharing an inside cabin?  

Broommates

[Big Tule]

[FireFishII]

[Big Tule]

Cannot help myself

[rjac]

[Big Tule]

[Big Tule]

[Big Tule]

[FireFishII]

For those who are not doctors or nurses, here is a translation: 

84-year-old female patient from Emergency department.  Previous medical history of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, congestive heart failure, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, atrial fibrillation, and past surgical history of coronary artery bypass graft x 4, right total knee replacement, left total hip replacement.  History of vancomycin-resistant enterococci, methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus.  Will need peripherally inserted central catheter, chest x-ray, type and cross for two units packed red blood cells, immediately.

 

[TexanTwoStep]

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breasts?

 

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!

[HeWhoWaits]

[rjac]

[FJ28]

The Fence Repair - Australian style !!!

  

 

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence

at Government House.

 

One is from Cabramatta, another is from

Marrickville, and the third is from Lane Cove.

 

 

All three go with an official to examine the fence.

The Cabramatta contractor takes out a tape measure

and does some measuring, then works some figures

with a pencil.

 

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900,

$400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit

for me."

 

The Marrickville contractor also does some measuring

and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700.

That's $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100

profit for me."

 

The Lane Cove contractor doesn't measure or figure,

but leans over to the government official and whispers,

"$2,700."

 

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure

like the other guys. How did you come up with such a

high figure?"

 

The Lane Cove contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me,

$1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Marrickville to

fix the fence."

 

"Done!" Replies the government official.

 

[Big Tule]

[FireFishII]

37 minutes ago, Big Tule said:

Nerd joke!