My Odyssey into Fat Pants: The Final Frontier. 11 nights. Star Class. NJ weather in January. Every girl’s dream. (1/5 – 1/16/25)

[asquared17]

13 hours ago, Ampurp85 said:

why has all this neither region tomfoolery followed you??????

i have no words

[Cactus527]

1 hour ago, Curt From Canada said:

$15,000 USD (which is approximately $4 million dollars in Canadian

LOLOLOL I think my first car was $12K. I can't imagine paying $15K for a purse! That could be me in my very first Star Class cabin!!!! Or college tuition (gotta think about the kids' future, argh)...

[SweetPea]

I'm going to catch up in a bit, but we're currently stuck 300 feet in the air on North Star and they are trying to get us down manually. 

[Cactus527]

3 minutes ago, SweetPea said:

I'm going to catch up in a bit, but we're currently stuck 300 feet in the air on North Star and they are trying to get us shem manually. 

First your iFly experience, now stuck in the North Star? I feel for you! Here's hoping they get it operational ASAP.

[SweetPea]

Marked safe from North Star. More later. 

[asquared17]

29 minutes ago, SweetPea said:

I'm going to catch up in a bit, but we're currently stuck 300 feet in the air on North Star and they are trying to get us shem manually. 

i,,,,,,, am biting my tongue SO HARD RIGHT NOW 

[Ampurp85]

We did NorthStar on Odyssey, and I believe we were up there way longer than we should have been.  MY GAWD was it scorching in there and a dude and his partner had come straight from the gym.......... 

Also, super funny story, early on in my career I was working for a client who became obsessed with me (I have no idea why) and as a parting gift he brought me a grey, leather bag that came in a fancy box and bag. Me being me and not at all into fashion, I took the gift and thought I could return it to Macy's. He was a fancy-pants CFO, so I assumed Macy's. Turns out it was a Kelly (Hermes) bag, which I did sell and put towards the payment of my condo in 2007. It was around $14k then and I believe the current price tag is almost $30k. It was the most expensive thing I had owned. 

[SweetPea]

4 hours ago, JohnK6404 said:

So much going on the at home with my wife recovering from foot surgery. 

No fun! Hope she's healing well!  

3 hours ago, Pooch said:

See, there you go again.  My first new car was $7500, a great little Honda Civic!  Before that was a 1976 AMC Pacer, used, for $1500.

Hey, it was a new car in 1994. A Saturn. I wound up giving it away to my sister (7 years younger) for her senior year of college to have on campus. 

Re: North Star.

I honestly had no idea we were stuck until the operator made (received?) a call and let us know. 

I was already warm. And it was getting hot in there. 

The operator assured us we were safe and they could get us down manually. If not, we could zipline down. I was not exactly happy with that prospect, so I'm relieved they were able to do it manually. 

I told Batman that i was going to message Rafa and tell him if we don't see him again, that it's been fun. 

We were with another SC family (there were 10 of us total with the operator), and she thought that was funny so did the same to her Genie, Hailey. Hailey responded with .

 

Rafa responded with a selfie of him and Hailey and said We're waiting for you!

The initial jolt down took me by surprise as i was trying to stand in the middle, under the vent, and i wasn't holding on to anything. 

At that point, i told Batman i changed my mind about my DNR as i quickly made my way back to the railing.

The operator informed us we would be refunded for the trip. I asked, for our suites? She didn't get my joke, but the other SC family did.

 

 

 

[SweetPea]

We are back from the bridge tour, where ultimately, I'm glad we went. This was leaps and bounds over any other bridge tour we've ever done, all thanks to Captain Marek. More on that later. He's charming and gracious, and the whole thing was soooo informative. 

My only regret is that today the weather was gorgeous (perfect!), and we really could've used a full day of sunning and relaxing, and between the NSI (here on out, the North Star Incident) at 11:40 and then the bridge at 3 and now dinner at 7 ... These would have been great for a cooler weather day. Now we start our 4 consecutive port days. So while both experiences were memorable, i just wished we could've done them on the first or second cooler sea days, but the weather wasn't cooperative. If it were a clear but cold day, this would've been a perfect day. 

[asquared17]

4 hours ago, Ampurp85 said:

Also, super funny story, early on in my career I was working for a client who became obsessed with me (I have no idea why) and as a parting gift he brought me a grey, leather bag that came in a fancy box and bag. Me being me and not at all into fashion, I took the gift and thought I could return it to Macy's. He was a fancy-pants CFO, so I assumed Macy's. Turns out it was a Kelly (Hermes) bag, which I did sell and put towards the payment of my condo in 2007. It was around $14k then and I believe the current price tag is almost $30k. It was the most expensive thing I had owned. 

A KELLY BIRKIN BAG GOODBYE. 

F O R E V E R. 

 

3 hours ago, SweetPea said:

The operator assured us we were safe and they could get us down manually. If not, we could zipline down

wow the zipliners on oasis class COULD NEVER!!!!!!!!!

1 hour ago, SweetPea said:

We are back from the bridge tour, where ultimately, I'm glad we went. This was leaps and bounds over any other bridge tour we've ever done, all thanks to Captain Marek. More on that later. He's charming and gracious, and the whole thing was soooo informative. 

this makes me happy because after what rafa told you i wanted to be like, “don’t take his joy away!!! let the captain do captain things!!!! this is probably the highlight of his week!!!!”

[SweetPea]

When you are not loyal to a single cruise line, sometimes lines blur.

 

I'm reminded of what Haven does better in their rooms: always a note pad and Haven pens, better dressing station, cotton balls and qtips, and in our opinion, better balcony furniture and better bathrooms. 

I need to build my own cruise line when I'm president and meld the best of both worlds. 

[SweetPea]

OMG, there's a million things i need to catch you up on. 

 

But

Firstly, THE $15K PURSE IS GONE.

 

 

 

[SweetPea]

I checked the whole store and this is in its place now

 

[asquared17]

gosh i just love a crisp hermes box

[SweetPea]

Reminder to myself:

- Bridge tour briefing

- Coastal Kitchen shenanigans-lite? Maybe? Details to follow. I may be texting @asquared17 later on this one to get a private call. Was Natalie Portman involved? This is all becoming too much. 

- St Kitts decision

- Stage 5 Clingers Shift

Hold me to that if i get off track. I admitted my ADHD to you. Go with it. 

Now let's talk about The Effectors.

 

 

BUT first, a back story (apologies).

Picture it. March 2003. Our first cruise. Ever. On HAL's Zuiderdam (don't ask how we ended up there).

Bottom line, when you're a naive and first time cruiser, you go to nearly every single show, right?

Well, one show on Holland America's ZDM was a tribute to movie tunes. 

The very first act?

A solo performer coming up through a lift at the bottom of the stage wearing a purple cape, with his back to the audience. Now picture a cloud of smoke, following him up from the floor of the stage. All the while the brief musical intro to Purple Rain is blasting through the audience. 

Next imagine him dramatically turning towards the audience while spinning his purple cape, with his blonde hair slicked back like Dracula, and he starts singing the first line to Purple Rain by Prince. 

My BIL and i took one look at each other and tried to hide our hysterics. We were both laughing so hard at the melodrama, we tried to hide it, but the more we looked at each other, the more ridiculous the act seemed and we nearly had to leave. 

 

The performer (who we would later learn was named Geoffrey) got through about half the song before the entire show was canceled due to rocky seas, thankfully, because BIL and I were laughing so hard we were literally crying. 

What you also don't know is that in his earlier days, Batman was not only smoker, but was metro and a gay magnet (not that there's anything wrong with that). So later after the canceled show, we're in the Zuiderdam casino bar where Batman grabbed a cig, and one of the other staff ship dancers who was crazy into Batman asked to bum a cig. 

I was amused at the whole thing, and told this dancer how much i was disappointed that the Movie tunes show was canceled and how much i love the song Purple Rain. 

The dancer said in all seriousness, "Geoffrey was so brave. So brave. Very brave," while shaking his head. And then went into a diatribe about how difficult it was for Geoffrey to perform that song in those seas because he had to ride the stage lift to start the song.  

From henceforth and evermore, Batman, our BIL, Batman's sister, and i cannot listen to Purple Rain without looking at each other, shaking our heads, giving a long blink, and muttering "so brave. So brave."

 

Now on to the Effectors.

 

 

We told one of the bartenders in the pub, no, we're good on drinks, we're going to see the Effectors. He said, ok, I'll see you back here in 10 minutes. 

We should have listened. 

First, you hold hope, because your very first memory of "I Need a Hero" is not necessarily Footloose, but of Mickey ziplining between smokestacks on the Disney Magic (or Wonder) during Pirate Night, and you cried tears of happiness. 

Now that that memory is out of the way, i need you to scrunch your eyebrows. 

Now scrunch your nose and purse your lips. 

Now raise your eyebrows and open your mouth. 

Now think WTH.

Now you're hearing Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, and Batman and you turn to each other at the same time while shaking your heads and say ....

 

SO BRAVE. SO BRAVE. 

 

Because the Purple Rain sentiment is there, and you still have no idea what the story line is or WTH you just watched. But you couldn't leave because you waited for it to make sense. 

[PPPJJ-GCVAB]

6 hours ago, SweetPea said:

Reminder to myself:

Now let's talk about The Effectors.

BUT first, a back story (apologies).

Picture it. March 2003. Our first cruise. Ever. On HAL's Zuiderdam (don't ask how we ended up there).

Bottom line, when you're a naive and first time cruiser, you go to nearly every single show, right?

Well, one show on Holland America's ZDM was a tribute to movie tunes. 

The very first act?

A solo performer coming up through a lift at the bottom of the stage wearing a purple cape, with his back to the audience. Now picture a cloud of smoke, following him up from the floor of the stage. All the while the brief musical intro to Purple Rain is blasting though the audience. 

Next imagine him dramatically turning towards the audience while spinning his purple cape, with his blonde hair slicked back like Dracula, and he starts singing the first line to Purple Rain by Prince. 

My BIL and i took one look at each other and tried to hide our hysterics. We were both laughing so hard at the melodrama, we tried to hide it, but the more we looked at each other, the more ridiculous the act seemed and we nearly had to leave. 

 

The performer (who we would later learn was named Geoffrey) got through about half the song before the entire show was canceled due to rocky seas, thankfully, because BIL and I were laughing so hard we were literally crying. 

What you also don't know is that in his earlier days, Batman was not only smoker, but was metro and a gay magnet (not that there's anything wrong with that). So later after the canceled show, we're in the Zuiderdam casino bar where Batman grabbed a cig, and one of the other staff ship dancers who was crazy into Batman asked to bum a cig. 

I was amused at the whole thing, and told this dancer how much i was disappointed that the Movie tunes show was canceled and how much i love the song Purple Rain. 

The dancer said in all seriousness, "Geoffrey was so brave. So brave. Very brave," while shaking his head. And then went into a diatribe about how difficult it was for Geoffrey to perform that song in those seas because he had to ride the stage lift to start the song.  

From henceforth and evermore, Batman, our BIL, Batman's sister, and i cannot listen to Purple Rain without looking at each other, shaking our heads, giving a long blink, and muttering "so brave. So brave."

 

Now on to the Effectors.

We told one of the bartenders in the pub, no, we're good on drinks, we're going to see the Effectors. He said, ok, I'll see you back here in 10 minutes. 

We should have listened. 

First, you hold hope, because your very first memory of "I Need a Hero" is not necessarily Footloose, but of Mickey ziplining between smokestacks on the Disney Magic (or Wonder) during Pirate Night, and you cried tears of happiness. 

Now that that memory is out of the way, i need you to scrunch your eyebrows. 

Now scrunch your nose and purse your lips. 

Now raise your eyebrows and open your mouth. 

Now think WTH.

Now you're hearing Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, and Batman and you turn to each other at the same time while shaking your heads and say ....

 

SO BRAVE. SO BRAVE. 

 

Because the Purple Rain sentiment is there, and you still have no idea what the story line is or WTH you just watched. But you couldn't leave because you waited for it to make sense. 

This entire rendition is absolutely fantastic!  You really should have been a writer!  That 2003 story line is just so perfect .

[SweetPea]

1 hour ago, PPPJJ-GCVAB said:

This entire rendition is absolutely fantastic!  You really should have been a writer!  That 2003 story line is just so perfect .

This means a lot. Thank you  

[asquared17]

7 hours ago, SweetPea said:

Coastal Kitchen shenanigans-lite? Maybe? Details to follow. I may be texting @asquared17 later on this one to get a private call. Was Natalie Portman involved? This is all becoming too much. 

i am here and I AM READY!!!

7 hours ago, SweetPea said:

We told one of the bartenders in the pub, no, we're good on drinks, we're going to see the Effectors. He said, ok, I'll see you back here in 10 minutes. 

i love that they know you this well already

[SweetPea]

Good morning from St  Maarten where the only annoying part is the barrage of beach vendors. No, Batman does not need his hair braided, thank you. 

Pro tip: Do not buy your water taxi  tickets at the yellow hut right as you come off the ship. You'll be waiting in a line in the heat Head straight to the water taxi because you'll find several more places that sell them on the way without a line. 

 

 

 

[asquared17]

i see the holland house balconies in the background!!!!!!! ENJOY ST. MAARTEN!!!

[MaryS]

My sister & I were on Odyssey back in Sept 2022 (Italy & Greece).  We spent the day in Athens on an 8 hour excursion.  Came back hungry thirsty and exhausted.  We went to see The Effectors after eating and probably a few drinks.  I couldn't tell you what the show was about because I fell asleep as soon as we sat down in the theater.  I woke up just when the show ended

[SweetPea]

16 minutes ago, asquared17 said:

i see the holland house balconies in the background!!!!!!! ENJOY ST. MAARTEN!!!

Yes, it's packed!

 

So let's talk people watching  

1) A vintage lady who thinks it's OK to wear a bikini top that's a scoop neck/halter contraption that has zero support, and her girls are hanging free and clear and dancing below her belly button. I thought it was a questionable decision when dry. Wet? We're firmly in nightmare territory. 

2) A boy of about 3, buck naked, strutting the beach like he owns the place. No idea where his parents were. 

3) A fully clothed woman in the water, who managed to bring a kitchen strainer and is hunting for shells in the water and putting them in her fanny pack. Her fanny pack is full. (The whole front is see through plastic.) Can you even bring that many shells back onto the ship?

I was in the water when i saw all these, so sadly, you're going to have to use your imagination ...

[SweetPea]

3 minutes ago, MaryS said:

My sister & I were on Odyssey back in Sept 2022 (Italy & Greece).  We spent the day in Athens on an 8 hour excursion.  Came back hungry thirsty and exhausted.  We went to see The Effectors after eating and probably a few drinks.  I couldn't tell you what the show was about because I fell asleep as soon as we sat down in the theater.  I woke up just when the show ended

From my description, i hope you can tell you missed out on a Tony Award Winning production. 

[SweetPea]

So a few things today, and then at some point I'll backtrack to yesterday. 

1) As I've mentioned, Holland House was sold out. So .... i booked next door at Nu Love. 1/10 stars. Do NOT recommend. Terrible mistake. Service was TERRIBLE. Chairs ratty, falling apart, uncomfortable. You had to ask for a seat cushion (much like asking for an egg crate on your bed on older ships), which we didn't figure out till later. To be fair, when we went in August to Holland House, while the chairs were comfy, the bathrooms were nice, and you could shower, the service was also slow and spotty. ... and that was low season. 

We were seated right next to this place and i had an extensive chat with the owner. I really wish i knew about this place beforehand because you seriously get a dedicated server, depending on the package you book. We were extremely jealous because our service was zero/nonexistent, much like the Shoreside Genie Gong Show as @Jax calls it. 

Next time, zero hesitation, we're booking here instead. SOooooooooooooooooooo much our speed. The owner gave me his card, but i have to dig it out from my bag where Batman is downstairs and I'm upstairs posting. If there is interest, i can post that. They do close for a portion of August/September, but if they are closed and/or don't have availability, they have a partnership with Holland and they will personally rebook you there. 

They have much cheaper packages, but as an example: $79.99/couple: 2 chairs, one umbrella, unlimited drinks (frozen drinks, water, beer, etc), dedicated server. They had a ton of servers and they were omnipresent. They have menus at each umbrella and your dedicated server is always around should you be hungry (but they're not intrusive). Service was fast, prompt, friendly, and attentive. We were so ticked we didn't know about them before today. 

2) Sorry Royal, you SUCK welcoming guests back on board. Period. I always forget just exactly how badly they SUCK at it and i will die on that hill. Suckety, suck, suck, SUCK. I always forget, but this time i will remember ... #GITCC.

Norwegian, for all guests ... this is not a suite snob thing at all.... Tents, chairs under the tents to wait if the line is long on a hot day, ice cold water and juice, cold washclothes, tons of staff to help you, hand sanitizers, and of course, towel return. Usually a dance party. Obviously, you don't have to dance and you can certainly avoid that if that's not your thing. But you definitely feel welcomed to be back aboard. They make returning as pleasant as possible for everyone. 

If you're Haven, a dedicated security line with a dedicated elevator to get you quick and escorted access directly back to the Haven. 

Royal? gee, thanks for the towel return. High class right there. Disappointing. We are docked next to the Ascent, and Celebrity, not surprisingly, was as pathetic as Royal. They can both do better. 

[lovetheplaya]

 I love love love your live blogs! You are so hilarious! We are going on our first royal cruise next month (only have disney to compare to) and I asked my husband if I should live blog it... he was like ... "okayyyyyyyy??" maybe I need to go the way of what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him (a la batman)! haha

[SweetPea]

Our bathing suits are soaking wet as well, but I'm failing to find any clothesline in this room? Maybe it's just me? Checked both showers. Negative. 

I was so excited to see these snacks today though, since our service was so bad at NuLove. Need to hide the cupcakes for later.

Oh there was a fruit plate and berries too. 

[SweetPea]

27 minutes ago, lovetheplaya said:

 I love love love your live blogs! You are so hilarious! We are going on our first royal cruise next month (only have disney to compare to) and I asked my husband if I should live blog it... he was like ... "okayyyyyyyy??" maybe I need to go the way of what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him (a la batman)! haha

Welcome and thank you. I will say it's often a challenge if he's not onboard with the blog sitch! But it does entertain me, at least!

We've not sailed Disney since 2017, so I'm sorry I'm not much help there!

Edited: meant to say, whichever way you go, of COURSE you should blog!

[asquared17]

41 minutes ago, SweetPea said:

We are docked next to the Ascent, and Celebrity, not surprisingly, was as pathetic as Royal

oh boy. i will need to report back on this in another 25 days i suppose

[Jax]

18 minutes ago, SweetPea said:

If you're Haven, a dedicated security line with a dedicated elevator to get you quick and escorted access directly back to the Haven. 

This is how it should be.  I dreaded returning to the ship only to be faced with long lines and more elevator chaos. No priority for suite guests at all.  And I don’t think I mentioned on my blog that genies have fairly strict limits on when they can use their elevator priority fob with guests. I won’t mention the genie by name but this was a funny story where the genie used their elevator fob and another guest on the elevator complained to guest services. The GSM asked the genie about it and them saying to the other guests in the elevator that it was an “emergency”. The Genie replied that it was an emergency for his guest as she needed to be somewhere.   I love a rogue genie that will bend the rules.  

[Cactus527]

I am definitely interested in the information about the place that you were talking to today. I believe that is on our itinerary when we sail in October 2026.

[Lovetocruise2002]

Me…still here hours later waiting for the CK Shenanigans and Stage 5 Clinger shift

[LandstromCruise]

3 minutes ago, Lovetocruise2002 said:

Me…still here hours later waiting for the CK Shenanigans and Stage 5 Clinger shift

Me too!  I wake up every morning and first thing I do is check this blog to see what excitement happened last night. Must be something wrong with me 

[Pooch]

6 hours ago, SweetPea said:

Yes, it's packed!

 

So let's talk people watching  

1) A vintage lady who thinks it's OK to wear a bikini top that's a scoop neck/halter contraption that has zero support, and her girls are hanging free and clear and dancing below her belly button. I thought it was a questionable decision when dry. Wet? We're firmly in nightmare territory. 

2) A boy of about 3, buck naked, strutting the beach like he owns the place. No idea where his parents were. 

3) A fully clothed woman in the water, who managed to bring a kitchen strainer and is hunting for shells in the water and putting them in her fanny pack. Her fanny pack is full. (The whole front is see through plastic.) Can you even bring that many shells back onto the ship?

I was in the water when i saw all these, so sadly, you're going to have to use your imagination ...

Ok hubby had a woman in the lounger next to his sunning topless and, yup, on her back!!  Apparently she was unaware that the nude bathing was in the FRENCH side.  Her significant other (male) wasn’t nude but I did not realize they made thongs for men

and I need the name of the good place too. Will be there in March.

[asquared17]

1 hour ago, Cactus527 said:

I am definitely interested in the information about the place that you were talking to today. I believe that is on our itinerary when we sail in October 2026.

1 hour ago, Pooch said:

and I need the name of the good place too. Will be there in March.

if i’m remembering my beachfront geography correct, i think they were talking about big bastards. they’re next to holland house  

https://bigbastardssxm.com

info on their VIP package matches the pricing she mentioned above

[SweetPea]

My God, i need Batman to pass out tonight so i can catch up. When he dies of Cirrhosis, it's on you, loyal readers. 

 

But first, here is the front and back of the business card. So you're in the know, his name is Stephen (i asked, it's 'ph' not 'v'). Great guy! I'm rushing, but I'm sure Ali is right. Stephen encouraged me to mention his name, and use the QR code so ....

 

i will get to the other stuff, i promise

 

Because this is my worst nightmare:

 

 

Don't commandeer my Pub for Karaoke

 

Also, we're on our way to The Book. I'm sure you're all waiting with bated breath for THAT review .....

 

[OCSC Mike]

1 hour ago, SweetPea said:

Don't commandeer my Pub for Karaoke

Never seen Karaoke in the pub before. Is that an Odyssey thing?

[Ampurp85]

The book was a wild ride of tomfoolery.

 

[asquared17]

28 minutes ago, SweetPea said:

My God, i need Batman to pass out tonight so i can catch up.

i laughed harder than i should have

[asquared17]

hot off the presses: sweetpea is already regretting the book. 

[LandstromCruise]

Karaoke is the worst!!  My wife made me sit at it when we were on icon and I wanted to kill myself. 
 

as for the book and effectors, I think I’m in the minority. While I agree there aren’t really any cohesive plots to them, I feel the entertainers do a good job and I’m just impressed with their talent. Toward the end of The Book there is a contortionist that to was just really impressive I thought.