twangster Posted April 20, 2021 Report Posted April 20, 2021 Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course. Houses can’t jump. Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 20, 2021 Report Posted April 20, 2021 Here's one for @AlmondFarmer I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts. AlmondFarmer, Ogilthorpe and rjac 3 Quote
rjac Posted April 20, 2021 Report Posted April 20, 2021 My bald neighbor bought a wig the other day for $10.00 and said it was a good deal. Actually, it was a low price toupee. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 21, 2021 Report Posted April 21, 2021 Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels. PPPJJ-GCVAB, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote
twangster Posted April 22, 2021 Report Posted April 22, 2021 Where do sharks go on vacation? Finland. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 22, 2021 Report Posted April 22, 2021 Why should you never tell an egg a joke? Because it might crack up. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 23, 2021 Report Posted April 23, 2021 What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. PPPJJ-GCVAB, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 1 Quote
rjac Posted April 23, 2021 Report Posted April 23, 2021 Why do oysters and clams never share their food? Because they're shellfish. twangster, cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 1 3 Quote
FManke Posted April 23, 2021 Report Posted April 23, 2021 I'd tell you a penguin joke, but it probably wouldn't fly. JLMoran, cruisellama, twangster and 1 other 4 Quote
twangster Posted April 23, 2021 Report Posted April 23, 2021 Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am. Ogilthorpe, PPPJJ-GCVAB, JLMoran and 2 others 5 Quote
twangster Posted April 24, 2021 Report Posted April 24, 2021 What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake. PPPJJ-GCVAB and Ogilthorpe 1 1 Quote
twangster Posted April 26, 2021 Report Posted April 26, 2021 Why do the French never order 2 eggs? Because one egg is an oeuf. PPPJJ-GCVAB and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
Ampurp85 Posted April 27, 2021 Report Posted April 27, 2021 What does a painter do when he gets cold? Adds another coat What did the rock climber say when asked how she got her start? I was roped into it. What did the doctor say to the man who complained of shrinking? We'll figure it out. For now, you'll just have to be a little patient twangster and RWDW1204 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 27, 2021 Report Posted April 27, 2021 What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. Ampurp85 1 Quote
cruisellama Posted April 27, 2021 Report Posted April 27, 2021 Who is the leader of the corn army? The kernal. RWDW1204, JLMoran and twangster 3 Quote
cruisellama Posted April 27, 2021 Report Posted April 27, 2021 What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy? Aww Shucks twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 27, 2021 Report Posted April 27, 2021 How do astronomers organize a party? They planet. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and RWDW1204 3 Quote
JLMoran Posted April 28, 2021 Report Posted April 28, 2021 3 hours ago, cruisellama said: Who is the leader of the corn army? The kernal. This gets an automatic laugh response for being the first actual CORN-y joke in a long time! cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 28, 2021 Report Posted April 28, 2021 What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote
cruisellama Posted April 28, 2021 Report Posted April 28, 2021 I'm looking to buy a new compass. Can anyone point me in the right direction? Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote
twangster Posted April 28, 2021 Report Posted April 28, 2021 What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote
twangster Posted April 29, 2021 Report Posted April 29, 2021 What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 29, 2021 Report Posted April 29, 2021 Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and twangster 3 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 29, 2021 Report Posted April 29, 2021 What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. RWDW1204, twangster, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote
Ampurp85 Posted April 29, 2021 Report Posted April 29, 2021 What do you get when you put droids in charge of road construction? R2-Detours Which punctuation mark would win a race? The dash What do dead batteries cost? They should be free of charge Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 30, 2021 Report Posted April 30, 2021 Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast. cruisellama, twangster and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 30, 2021 Report Posted April 30, 2021 What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest. cruisellama, twangster and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote
twangster Posted April 30, 2021 Report Posted April 30, 2021 What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204, HeWhoWaits and 1 other 4 Quote
HeWhoWaits Posted April 30, 2021 Report Posted April 30, 2021 2 hours ago, twangster said: What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. What do you call an alligator detective? An investigator. Ogilthorpe, twangster and cruisellama 3 Quote
rjac Posted May 1, 2021 Report Posted May 1, 2021 I heard that the world's tongue twister champion just got arrested. They're going to give him a really tough sentence. This morning I tripped over my wife's bra when I got out of bed. It was a booby trap. I tried to climb a really tall tower in Paris once, but, Eiffel off. twangster, cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote
FManke Posted May 1, 2021 Report Posted May 1, 2021 A peanut, and oat and a raisin sit down for a drink. The bartender looks at them and says, "What do you think this is? A granola bar." twangster, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote
twangster Posted May 1, 2021 Report Posted May 1, 2021 What’s brown and sticky? A stick. Ogilthorpe, FManke, cruisellama and 1 other 4 Quote
FManke Posted May 1, 2021 Report Posted May 1, 2021 What did one octopus say to the other octopus? Let's hold hands and hands and hands and hands and hands and hands and hands and hands. Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204, cruisellama and 1 other 4 Quote
cruisellama Posted May 1, 2021 Report Posted May 1, 2021 Sometimes I like to stand in front of my fishbowl, eating a tuna sandwich. Let 'em know who's boss. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote
cruisellama Posted May 1, 2021 Report Posted May 1, 2021 I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums. He was a professional tuna. Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote
twangster Posted May 2, 2021 Report Posted May 2, 2021 I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. Then I turned myself around. Ogilthorpe, FManke, RCIfan1912 and 2 others 5 Quote
twangster Posted May 3, 2021 Report Posted May 3, 2021 What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and PPPJJ-GCVAB 3 Quote
FManke Posted May 3, 2021 Report Posted May 3, 2021 I was going to tell you a joke about Pi, but it just goes on and on an on and and on an on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on an on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on an on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and twangster 3 Quote
twangster Posted May 4, 2021 Report Posted May 4, 2021 Bad dad jokes with Michael Bayley Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote
twangster Posted May 4, 2021 Report Posted May 4, 2021 When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. RWDW1204, PPPJJ-GCVAB and Ogilthorpe 2 1 Quote
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