twangster Posted April 20, 2021 Report Share Posted April 20, 2021 Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course. Houses can’t jump. Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 20, 2021 Report Share Posted April 20, 2021 Here's one for @AlmondFarmer I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts. Ogilthorpe, rjac and AlmondFarmer 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 20, 2021 Report Share Posted April 20, 2021 My bald neighbor bought a wig the other day for $10.00 and said it was a good deal. Actually, it was a low price toupee. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 21, 2021 Report Share Posted April 21, 2021 Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels. PPPJJ-GCVAB, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 22, 2021 Report Share Posted April 22, 2021 Where do sharks go on vacation? Finland. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 22, 2021 Report Share Posted April 22, 2021 Why should you never tell an egg a joke? Because it might crack up. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine. cruisellama, PPPJJ-GCVAB and Ogilthorpe 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Why do oysters and clams never share their food? Because they're shellfish. twangster, PPPJJ-GCVAB, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 I'd tell you a penguin joke, but it probably wouldn't fly. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, JLMoran and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am. Ampurp85, Ogilthorpe, JLMoran and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 24, 2021 Report Share Posted April 24, 2021 What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake. Ogilthorpe and PPPJJ-GCVAB 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 Why do the French never order 2 eggs? Because one egg is an oeuf. Ogilthorpe and PPPJJ-GCVAB 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ampurp85 Posted April 27, 2021 Report Share Posted April 27, 2021 What does a painter do when he gets cold? Adds another coat What did the rock climber say when asked how she got her start? I was roped into it. What did the doctor say to the man who complained of shrinking? We'll figure it out. For now, you'll just have to be a little patient RWDW1204 and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 27, 2021 Report Share Posted April 27, 2021 What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. Ampurp85 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 27, 2021 Report Share Posted April 27, 2021 Who is the leader of the corn army? The kernal. twangster, JLMoran and RWDW1204 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 27, 2021 Report Share Posted April 27, 2021 What did the ear of corn say to the cute puppy? Aww Shucks twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 27, 2021 Report Share Posted April 27, 2021 How do astronomers organize a party? They planet. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and RWDW1204 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLMoran Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 hours ago, cruisellama said: Who is the leader of the corn army? The kernal. This gets an automatic laugh response for being the first actual CORN-y joke in a long time! cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 I'm looking to buy a new compass. Can anyone point me in the right direction? twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 28, 2021 Report Share Posted April 28, 2021 What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 29, 2021 Report Share Posted April 29, 2021 What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 29, 2021 Report Share Posted April 29, 2021 Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle. twangster, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 29, 2021 Report Share Posted April 29, 2021 What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, twangster and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ampurp85 Posted April 29, 2021 Report Share Posted April 29, 2021 What do you get when you put droids in charge of road construction? R2-Detours Which punctuation mark would win a race? The dash What do dead batteries cost? They should be free of charge cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 30, 2021 Report Share Posted April 30, 2021 Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast. twangster, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 30, 2021 Report Share Posted April 30, 2021 What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and twangster 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 30, 2021 Report Share Posted April 30, 2021 What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. RWDW1204, HeWhoWaits, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 30, 2021 Report Share Posted April 30, 2021 2 hours ago, twangster said: What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. What do you call an alligator detective? An investigator. twangster, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted May 1, 2021 Report Share Posted May 1, 2021 I heard that the world's tongue twister champion just got arrested. They're going to give him a really tough sentence. This morning I tripped over my wife's bra when I got out of bed. It was a booby trap. I tried to climb a really tall tower in Paris once, but, Eiffel off. RWDW1204, twangster, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 1, 2021 Report Share Posted May 1, 2021 A peanut, and oat and a raisin sit down for a drink. The bartender looks at them and says, "What do you think this is? A granola bar." cruisellama, twangster and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 1, 2021 Report Share Posted May 1, 2021 What’s brown and sticky? A stick. RWDW1204, cruisellama, FManke and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 1, 2021 Report Share Posted May 1, 2021 What did one octopus say to the other octopus? Let's hold hands and hands and hands and hands and hands and hands and hands and hands. twangster, cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 1, 2021 Report Share Posted May 1, 2021 Sometimes I like to stand in front of my fishbowl, eating a tuna sandwich. Let 'em know who's boss. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 1, 2021 Report Share Posted May 1, 2021 I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums. He was a professional tuna. Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 2, 2021 Report Share Posted May 2, 2021 I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. Then I turned myself around. RCIfan1912, Ogilthorpe, FManke and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and PPPJJ-GCVAB 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 3, 2021 Report Share Posted May 3, 2021 I was going to tell you a joke about Pi, but it just goes on and on an on and and on an on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on an on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on an on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and twangster 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 Bad dad jokes with Michael Bayley cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 4, 2021 Report Share Posted May 4, 2021 When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. PPPJJ-GCVAB, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.