LovetoCruise87 Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 Last one.....for now... On the last night of the cruise, it's discovered that there's been a miscalculation with the food. Just before dinner, the captain announces over the loud speaker.. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'm sorry to inform you that there are 2,000 passengers on board, but only enough food for 1,000 people. However, we do have plenty of drinks. So, anyone who is willing to give up there meal will receive free drinks the rest of the cruise." A few hours later, the captain makes another announcement.... I apologize, but it appears that we have run out of alcohol. However, if anyone is hungry, we do still have 1,000 meals available." cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 13, 2021 Report Share Posted May 13, 2021 What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese. RWDW1204, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 The CDC clarifies that if you are fully vaccinated and no longer wearing a mask, you should still not talk on speaker phone in public twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 The CDC says fully vaccinated people can now continue to listen to ambient music alone in their homes, thinking about the crushing weight of existence Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 What a relief. The CDC has updated guidelines to say that men can wear jean shorts without being mocked by local teens Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 the CDC said you can take your mask off once you're vaccinated, but the mandate against making small talk with me remains in effect indefinitely. RWDW1204 and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock! twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic. twangster, Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 I try to avoid eating anchovies. It’s a little fishy. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 What do you call a pencil with erasers at both ends? Pointless cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and twangster 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 Have you ever tried going vegetarian for a day? Sounds like a missed steak to me. twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 What did the jelly say when it broke up with the bread? You deserve butter. Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted May 14, 2021 Report Share Posted May 14, 2021 I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. cruisellama, twangster, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 15, 2021 Report Share Posted May 15, 2021 What do you call a signing computer? A-Dell Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 15, 2021 Report Share Posted May 15, 2021 Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything. Ogilthorpe, FManke and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste. Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why couldn't the pirate stop thinking about sailing? He had ship for brains. Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why don't pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They'll just wash up on shore later Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why did the pirate refuse to say, "Aye, Aye, Captain"? Because he's only got one eye. twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared. I thought, "Thats the biggest wave I've ever seen." Ogilthorpe and twangster 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing. She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet. twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and Big Tule 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 What did the football say to his therapist? I feel empty inside. twangster, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 16, 2021 Report Share Posted May 16, 2021 Why did the snail cross the road? We're not sure. We're still waiting. Ogilthorpe, twangster and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 FManke, Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment. Ogilthorpe, FManke and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 I don't trust mermaids. There's something fishy about them. cruisellama, twangster and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 A man was walking in the woods and found a mushroom. That's the morel of the story. twangster, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 Big Tule, JLMoran, twangster and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 Twas the night before Christmas When all through the house Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse. Really should have bought a carbon monoxide detector JLMoran, FManke and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 A woman is walking on a beach in Texas carrying two Redfish in a bucket. A game warden walks up and asks to see her fishing license. “I don’t have a fishing license,” says the woman. “You know it’s illegal to fish without a license, right?” asks the warden. “I wasn’t fishing, officer. These Redfish are my pets.” “Your pets?” “Yes, officer. They like a little exercise, so when the weather’s fine, I take them to the water and let them swim around. Once they’re done, I give them a whistle and they jump back into my bucket and we head home.” The officer isn’t buying a word of it, so the woman says, “Don’t believe me? Watch!” and she throws the fish into the sea. The warden waits for a minute then says, “Alright, now whistle to your fish and make them jump out of the water.” JLMoran and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovetoCruise87 Posted May 17, 2021 Report Share Posted May 17, 2021 A very nervous first-time cruiser met the captain at the welcome reception. “Do ships like this sink very often?” he asked. “No,” said the captain. “Usually it’s just the once.” A couple boarded a cruise ship and went up to their cabin. Later, they called guest services and asked for someone to help them get out of their room. “What seems to be the problem, ” asked the man on the desk. “We only have two doors,” said the lady in the cabin. “One is the bathroom and the other says ‘do not disturb.” cruisellama, twangster and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 18, 2021 Report Share Posted May 18, 2021 What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships. LovetoCruise87, cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ampurp85 Posted May 18, 2021 Report Share Posted May 18, 2021 Why did the band 999 megabytes break up? They couldn't get a gig. What should you do when you see a spaceman? Park your car, man! LovetoCruise87, cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 19, 2021 Report Share Posted May 19, 2021 Three men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter. RWDW1204, Ogilthorpe, PRebecca and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted May 19, 2021 Report Share Posted May 19, 2021 What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky. rjac, Ogilthorpe and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted May 19, 2021 Report Share Posted May 19, 2021 rjac, cruisellama, RWDW1204 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted May 19, 2021 Report Share Posted May 19, 2021 RWDW1204, cruisellama, Big Tule and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted May 19, 2021 Report Share Posted May 19, 2021 cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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