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Corny Jokes


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Last one.....for now...

On the last night of the cruise, it's discovered that there's been a miscalculation with the food. Just before dinner, the captain announces over the loud speaker..

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'm sorry to inform you that there are 2,000 passengers on board, but only enough food for 1,000 people. However, we do have plenty of drinks. So, anyone who is willing to give up there meal will receive free drinks the rest of the cruise."

A few hours later, the captain makes another announcement....

I apologize, but it appears that we have run out of alcohol. However, if anyone is hungry, we do still have 1,000 meals available."

 

 

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A woman is walking on a beach in Texas carrying two Redfish in a bucket. A game warden walks up and asks to see her fishing license.

“I don’t have a fishing license,” says the woman.

“You know it’s illegal to fish without a license, right?” asks the warden.

“I wasn’t fishing, officer. These Redfish are my pets.”

“Your pets?”

“Yes, officer. They like a little exercise, so when the weather’s fine, I take them to the water and let them swim around. Once they’re done, I give them a whistle and they jump back into my bucket and we head home.”

The officer isn’t buying a word of it, so the woman says, “Don’t believe me? Watch!” and she throws the fish into the sea.

The warden waits for a minute then says, “Alright, now whistle to your fish and make them jump out of the water.”

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A very nervous first-time cruiser met the captain at the welcome reception.

“Do ships like this sink very often?” he asked.

“No,” said the captain. “Usually it’s just the once.”

 

 

A couple boarded a cruise ship and went up to their cabin. Later, they called guest services and asked for someone to help them get out of their room.

“What seems to be the problem, ” asked the man on the desk.

“We only have two doors,” said the lady in the cabin. “One is the bathroom and the other says ‘do not disturb.”

 

 

 
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