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Joke of the day


12thman
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Found this thought I’d share. 

Spring break

A group of college kids went on a booze cruise for spring break. The ship sank and the young men escaped in a small lifeboat. They floated for several days but nobody came to rescue them.

Eventually, delirious from a lack of fluid, one of the men noticed a bottle floating in the water. He reached over and picked it out. Suddenly, a genie emerged from the bottle with a loud whoosh.

“I am a genie and I can grant you one wish!” said the genie.

“That’s a no-brainer!” The frat boy said. “I wish the ocean were made of beer!”

The genie immediately granted the wish and then vanished,

“You idiot!” said the second kid. “Now we have to pee in the boat!”

 

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  • 4 months later...

My grandfather was an old nautical engineer who tried to warn everyone on the Titanic that they were doomed

First he yelled at the passengers while they boarded...he was ignored

Then he yelled at the Captain and the First Mate...he was ignored

Then as he continued to yell his warnings; people began to tell him to be quiet and that he was crazy

Eventually, after all his yelling; Security came and escorted him out of the movie theater

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A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".

"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.

"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".

The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:

"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants". 

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You may have already asked Siri this on your phone, but I think it is hilarious:

 

Siri, what is 0 divided by 0?

Imagine that you have 0 cookies and you split them evenly among 0 friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends

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