Chadster

A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender's a bit taken aback. "A beer? Ya sure, pal? Y'know...we've got a drink named after you!"
"Oh, yeah?" the insect asks. "You've got a drink called 'Irving'?"

A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"
"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

Did you hear about the diminutive psychic who broke out of jail?
She's a short medium at large.

What do you call two guys hanging over a window.
Curt n Rod.

Why did the baker get a second job?
She needed to raise more dough.
 
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine
 
Why did the pony go to the doctor?
He was a little horse.
 
Also my favorite of all time
Why do white girls travel in odd numbers?
Because they CAN"T even....

After all these years, my wife still thinks I'm sexy. Every time I walk by her she says, "What an ass!"
My wife tells me I have two major faults. I don't listen.......and something else.

A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"
"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender's a bit taken aback. "A beer? Ya sure, pal? Y'know...we've got a drink named after you!"
"Oh, yeah?" the insect asks. "You've got a drink called 'Irving'?"

How much does a pirate pay for corn?
 
A Buccaneer.

A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"
"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"
"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

Did you hear about the diminutive psychic who broke out of jail?
She's a short medium at large.

A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"
"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

this is my favorite joke of all time

What’s the best way to get in touch with a fish?
drop it a line! 

All of these! Plus, enjoying a bit of "me time" on my aft balcony!

All of these! Plus, enjoying a bit of "me time" on my aft balcony!

Did you hear about the diminutive psychic who broke out of jail?
She's a short medium at large.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
 
FSSSHHHH. 

Did you hear about the diminutive psychic who broke out of jail?
She's a short medium at large.

Why did the girl bring toilet paper to the party?
 
 
Because she is a party pooper! ?

What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down stairs? 
A condescending con descending! 

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
On a street of 25 houses, you're the only one without a doorbell!

What did the Fisherman say to the Magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
 
Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
He was on a roll.