Bean79

I have been trying to make it here for years. Finally made it on my last cruise. It was worth the money for the Conch Fritters and Margs! The staff were super friendly too!

The Bearded Clam.

Not one to complain much, but this one was a doozy.
We booked the named excursion through Royal and from the time we stepped off Symphony, I knew it was going to be bad.  We arrived on the pier and our "meeting" spot was complete chaos.  People from Blue Lagoon running around, lining people up, putting people in wrong lines -- you name it, it happened.
*Cue two hours of standing in the heat with no shade later*
Now that we've wasted two hours on Bahamian Queue Simulator 2025, we finally are finally (over)loaded on to the crappiest catamaran I have ever seen....You would've thought that the hefty law suit and them literally killing a lady from 2023 would have taught them, but nope.  I (an ex-coastie) made it a mission to count everyone on board.  They stuffed over 300 people on this vessel.  Yes, I spent the 20 minute ride over counting.  Max should've been 150-200 at most.
But wait, the fun doesn't stop there!  To relax, I decide to go to the death vessel catamaran's bar and try to purchase a Kalik beer to help ease my nerves (or at least be a tad bit tipsy when fighting for my life when we sink).  That'll be $15, sir.  So I nope right out and go sit next to my family with a scowl on my face.
We finally arrive to our "deluxe" and "exclusive" Blue Lagoon Island and (you guessed it), it was packed.  I am talking nuts to butts.  No chairs, no seats, no umbrellas, everything packed.  These people then have the gall to give us *one* drink voucher and *one* food voucher and tell us where to go.  I go to the bar with my new golden ticket like I'm Charlie heading to the chocolate factory, but way more disappointed.  The bartender looks at me and points at the two options I have.  Delicious ice cold water (tap water) OR powdered lemonade!  Spoiler alert, I drink the lemonade because I'm dehydrated at this point and guess what I have when I get home!  An immigrant from the Island named H. Pylori!  YAY!
I wish this was the end of this grand tour, but alas, it isn't.  The food we were served was akin to that of what I would receive on Riker's Island -- absolutely awful.  Think the saddest hamburger you've ever seen in your life, double it, give it to your enemy, and it's somehow worse.
By now I've already turned on my phone and paid the $10 to let Royal know exactly how I feel about their deluxe offering via email.  During this time, I again attempt to get a mixed drink in hopes of salvaging what little patience I have left of this godforsaken place.  I ask for a margarita on the rocks, no salt.  That'll be $25 please!  I loudly decline and ask how much a simple bottle of water will be.  You're in luck, it's only $10!
By now I *hope* I dehydrate so that they'll be forced to take me back to the beautiful ship with unlimited beverages.  
Finally, the straw that broke the figurative camel's back was when my 16 year old asked me to "follow him" with a grin on his face.  He's a down-to-earth kid, so I knew this was gonna be good.  He directs me to a lovely beach on the north side of the island that is a little more quiet and had 3 lifeguards.  He then proceeds to tell me that the lifeguards asked him to get out of the water because he went in over his knees (it was a calm day).  As we walk toward the beach and near where the lifeguards are sitting, the smell hits me.  That sweet, sweet smell of the Jazz Cabbage (also known as the Devil's Lettuce).  Cheech, Chong, and Snoop were sitting under the only umbrella on the beach, passing a joint at work like it was 4:20 in Denver.
Back to the ship, and the lovely hotel director has already called my room (see email above) and asked to meet me.  He apologized, thanked me for letting him know (I also let him know about the stoners), and immediately used his super duper bat phone to call the excursion desk to refund me. 
Too long, didn't read?:  Avoid anything Blue Lagoon like the plague.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Schooner Bar or the pub.

It’s akin to complaining about poor singing at spotlight karaoke. 

He’s one of the most popular CD’s in the fleet. He’s also one of the nicest people. Crazy Quest can get extremely raunchy and that’s the whole point. Sounds like you didn’t research 

Show me on the doll where RCI touched you!
 
My wife is Deaf and we use ASL/have interpreters with us (provided by RC) at shows, including adult/comedy shows.  Obviously, hands slinging like gang signs when the terps are terping..... tends to draw attention.  We almost always get called out/interacted with by hosts, CDs, comedians, and literally anyone else.  My wife nor me feel "abused" by the extra attention -- we just brush it off or joke back.
Remove the stick out of your butt before it becomes petrified wood.

You went to an adult game show and voluntarily went on stage to be a contestant. The rest is kind of expected.

I would suggest just not attending these types of events next cruise.

Now if Giovani's Table had a waiter with an accordion that sang opera, it could be fun. 🪗 Oh Solo Mio!!! 🎶 🎵

Rackham, you win the message boards today.  These posts about the most helpful, pertinent, clear, and uncontroversial posts I've seen in forever.  Thank you.

Isn't EVERY Royal Cruise a "Shakedown" cruise?   Just had to say it. 🙂 

Those are sandfleas and/or noseeum bites.
Sit on a beach anywhere in Florida, the Caribbean or anywhere with a beach and you're most likely going to end up with them

I read this topic as 

Is it ok to wear a thong bikini on the pool deck?

I have been told to never wear one again!

Roatan is an island disconnected from mainland Honduras that thrives on tourism. It's so safe there that our private tour guide was able to take my wife and I onto the property of an elementary school this past summer without advanced notice so we could donate school supplies, see the kids, the classrooms, etc. When we told him how much security was in place for US schools he was shocked.
In any case, the travel advisory stems from mainland Honduras, not Roatan. I'm guessing you're also going to Mexico... very similar situation there between Cozumel and parts of the mainland.

Port Canaveral is awesome. I am at this port at least a few times a year for multiple activities. Here is what I do. I drop my family off at Grills Restaurant and they go get a table for breakfast. I take the vehicle, drop off the bags, park, then walk over and usually only wait a few minutes for my meal to arrive that my wife ordered for me 😄. After breakfast we all walk over and get on the ship. Easy Peasy

It was a glitch go figure. They sent out another email saying to try again.

Port Canaveral is awesome. I am at this port at least a few times a year for multiple activities. Here is what I do. I drop my family off at Grills Restaurant and they go get a table for breakfast. I take the vehicle, drop off the bags, park, then walk over and usually only wait a few minutes for my meal to arrive that my wife ordered for me 😄. After breakfast we all walk over and get on the ship. Easy Peasy

Port Canaveral is awesome. I am at this port at least a few times a year for multiple activities. Here is what I do. I drop my family off at Grills Restaurant and they go get a table for breakfast. I take the vehicle, drop off the bags, park, then walk over and usually only wait a few minutes for my meal to arrive that my wife ordered for me 😄. After breakfast we all walk over and get on the ship. Easy Peasy

Port Canaveral is awesome. I am at this port at least a few times a year for multiple activities. Here is what I do. I drop my family off at Grills Restaurant and they go get a table for breakfast. I take the vehicle, drop off the bags, park, then walk over and usually only wait a few minutes for my meal to arrive that my wife ordered for me 😄. After breakfast we all walk over and get on the ship. Easy Peasy

Port Canaveral is awesome. I am at this port at least a few times a year for multiple activities. Here is what I do. I drop my family off at Grills Restaurant and they go get a table for breakfast. I take the vehicle, drop off the bags, park, then walk over and usually only wait a few minutes for my meal to arrive that my wife ordered for me 😄. After breakfast we all walk over and get on the ship. Easy Peasy

Whenever I go to a nightclub, I always go there to DANCE.  I have been on many, many cruises, and have gone to the nightclubs on all ships.  Once I ask the DJ to play my song choices, I can stay on the floor for a while having lots of fun.
Those who attend just to be spectators have only themselves to blame if they are bored. Drinking and dancing on a moving ship do not always go too well together, but some people like being foolish.
There is also stargazing--a wonderful experience late at night with the sky free of urban lights.
Sadly, many libraries are being phased out on more modern ships.  Cunard has the best libraries at sea. 
RC is a family ship with a focus on children.  Other cruise ships may have late night comedy (R-rated shows), or the karaoke squad.
Of course, you can always read a good book in your room.  
I am a night owl all the time, but I always can get up early to go on a great excursion. 
 

Sleep is overrated.  Insomnia can add an extra 4+ hours to every day of your cruise.  Think about it.

Why isn’t Balcony Sex on the list?