Special Needs and cruising

[Oliver]

I have a son who is 13 and has been diagnosed with ADHD, is borderline ODD, and is on the high functioning autism spectrum.

He has been cruising with us before but it is difficult to get him engaged in the activities and the children’s programs. 

I would be curious if anyone else out there has any children like this and would be willing to discuss it.

Thanks 

 

[KristenM]

Hey Oliver!

Sorry for a delayed response, I forget to check these boards often, so thank you @Matt for the heads up!

My son also has ADHD with ODD and is also boarderling on the spectrum (he has many characteristics “above the line” but is lucky enough to not suffer from some of the “key” traits of people on the spectrum)  I’m sure we share in many of our struggles and triumphs with our “awesome in their own way” kiddos.  If you listened to Royal vs. NCL podcast, that was me so hopefully I can help a little!  I will say, my son is 8 so some strategies may not apply but they may give you some ideas that would work for your son.  I am a firm believer in every child is different, whether they are “mainstream” (I hate that word) or have any diagnoses.  Every child (and adult) have their own areas of life in which they accel and struggle in.  Each person has their own, but the thing we all have in common is what also makes us all so different!

For my son, routine is HUGE.  He needs a schedule, and even acknowledges it.  I try to keep as many parts of our day to day routine in tact, while also making vacation a special time.  For example, he doesn’t have his usual bedtime like we were home, but he still has a bedtime that is discussed prior, so there are no surprises.  We usually let him pick one night to stay late at AO, usually the Pajama Party.  I also pack certain cereals for the morning, so his morning routine is fairly unchanged.  We keep our bedtime routine as close as we can with taking the tight living quarters into account.  This is one reason we do a balcony when sailing with him.  The balcony gives us a little extra space, especially when he’s falling asleep.

Setting expectations ahead of time is a huge factor for us as well.  This helps limit (doesn’t eliminate) meltdowns although as he is getting older those are getting much better.  At the same time, since he is getting older (will turn 9 in November), setting expectations with known consequences and rewards ahead of time often makes him think twice about his actions.  As I am sure you know, this isn’t easy for one with ADHD and ODD, and I remind him we never expect perfection but that he try his best.  So, knowing if we get a call from AO to tell us he is not behaving as expected (for example, throwing a block across the room because he lost a game of Connect 4 ) means he would be missing the Aqua Show often makes him stop, maybe with the block in his hand and arm in mid throw stance, and say “oh crap, maybe I shouldn’t do this” LOL.  I also give him a few goals for the week.  For example, if we go X amount time without {insert a struggle you son has}, then in return he would get $5 for arcade, or a half hour longer at AO that night, etc.  I try to set some very easily attainable goals for him so he doesn’t get discouraged, but at the same time I set a few “stretch” goals for him to really work towards.  I don’t know about your son, but mine thrives on positive recognition and feels really proud of himself when he accomplishes his goals.

My son luckily has a very outgoing personality, so I do not have much trouble getting him engaged.  It’s actually usually the opposite, he gets too excited and forgets about personal space and other people’s needs or wants.  However, there is one more thing we do with him during the planning stage and also while on the cruise that helps make him feel part of the planning process and that his “likes” are also taken into consideration.  I am thinking this could potentially help you out with getting him more engaged since he would be making some decisions.  We let him make some of our choices for the week, within reason!  We will let him pick our “excursion” for one of the ports, although after zip lining in Honduras against my will, I will now be limiting his choices to a few options!  At the beginning of the cruise, we take a look at the kids activities for the week and let him pick his favorite activities he hopes to participate in.  This not only helps in making him feel part of the decision making process but also just helps in making sure his time spent at AO is spent doing activities he enjoys, he would much rather go to Pirate night than a princess hat party (I totally made that one up, but you get the idea lol).  Are there certain themes or activities your son enjoys that would help make him more engaged while there?  For my son, when it is something he is serious about, currently dinosaurs, you will have his undivided attention!  And, when he is telling you the difference between a Velociraptor and an Indoraptor, he best have YOUR undivided attention.  

I feel like I rambled on but I am not sure I fully answered your question.  If you have any other questions, or would like more specific info from our experiences I am more than happy to answer them as best I can!  My biggest suggestion would be choices.  It doesn’t have to be wide open choices, even if it is a choice between two or three options he feels more involved and he is also doing activities he is most interested in and skips the ones that don’t peek his interest.  

Happy Sailing!!!

~Kristen