twangster Posted April 9, 2021 Report Share Posted April 9, 2021 A caller just tried to sell me a coffin. I told them that’s the last thing I’ll need. PRebecca, Ogilthorpe and Big Tule 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 10, 2021 Report Share Posted April 10, 2021 What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office? If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day. RWDW1204, Ogilthorpe, twangster and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 10, 2021 Report Share Posted April 10, 2021 Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if they had four doors they would be a chicken sedan. Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 10, 2021 Report Share Posted April 10, 2021 6 minutes ago, twangster said: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if they had four doors they would be a chicken sedan. Yeah......we definitely need a groan emoji.......... RWDW1204, Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 10, 2021 Report Share Posted April 10, 2021 Patience is what you have when there are witnesses. cruisellama, PRebecca, rjac and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 11, 2021 Report Share Posted April 11, 2021 Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? You should never press your luck. RWDW1204 and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 12, 2021 Report Share Posted April 12, 2021 I can't take my dog around the lake anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for having a pure bread dog. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gtgtgt Posted April 12, 2021 Report Share Posted April 12, 2021 Hey, @twangster ==> we gotta get you on a ship asap !! !! You've apparently got too much time on your hands, finding and sharing all these corny jokes. If you're writing them from scratch, then you've got another career to pursue . I do enjoy the jokes. Thanks. HeWhoWaits and Ogilthorpe 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 12, 2021 Report Share Posted April 12, 2021 10 minutes ago, gtgtgt said: Hey, @twangster ==> we gotta get you on a ship asap !! !! You've apparently got too much time on your hands, finding and sharing all these corny jokes. If you're writing them from scratch, then you've got another career to pursue . I do enjoy the jokes. Thanks. People write jokes? Who knew? Ogilthorpe, teddy and cruisellama 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 12, 2021 Report Share Posted April 12, 2021 Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? The food is out of this world but there is no atmosphere. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 12, 2021 Report Share Posted April 12, 2021 A magician is working on a Cruise Ship... With him, he has a parrot to spice up his routine. Sadly, the parrot has the habit of ruining his show. Whenever the magician makes something disappear, the parrot announces: "Saw it! You palmed it and hid it up your sleeve!" When he does a card trick, the parrot says: "Saw it! Every card in that decks the same!" He does this every routine, much to the magicians dismay. After a week of this, the cruise ship is suffering shipwreck. In the ensuing chaos, the magician manages to safe his belongings and the parrot, but ends up alone with his bird in a lifeboat. For the first time, the parrot is completely silent. Two days later, the bird says: "Alright, I give up. Wheres the ship?" RWDW1204, JLMoran, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 13, 2021 Report Share Posted April 13, 2021 Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe! Ogilthorpe, PPPJJ-GCVAB and RWDW1204 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 13, 2021 Report Share Posted April 13, 2021 Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint! coneyraven and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 JLMoran, RWDW1204, twangster and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well! Ogilthorpe and coneyraven 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 The New Maryland State Flag. My world is now complete. twangster, Ogilthorpe and JLMoran 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 twangster, JLMoran and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 14, 2021 Report Share Posted April 14, 2021 What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper! PPPJJ-GCVAB and Ogilthorpe 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable. RWDW1204, PPPJJ-GCVAB, Big Tule and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it! Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 I used to run a dating service for chickens but I was struggling to make hens meet. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 Did you hear about the cocky potato? He was tuber confident. twangster, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmondFarmer Posted April 15, 2021 Report Share Posted April 15, 2021 1 hour ago, twangster said: I used to run a dating service for chickens but I was struggling to make hens meet. I tried the same thing but failed for a different reason. I was making too many hens meat. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 16, 2021 Report Share Posted April 16, 2021 Why do stadiums get hot after a game? Because all the fans leave. Ogilthorpe and PPPJJ-GCVAB 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 16, 2021 Report Share Posted April 16, 2021 What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis. twangster, PPPJJ-GCVAB, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 16, 2021 Report Share Posted April 16, 2021 What does a runner drink when he's in last place? Ketchup. PPPJJ-GCVAB and Ogilthorpe 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 16, 2021 Report Share Posted April 16, 2021 It only takes me five minutes to walk to the pub but it takes me half an hour to get home. The difference is staggering. Big Tule, AlmondFarmer, Ogilthorpe and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 16, 2021 Report Share Posted April 16, 2021 My dog used to chase people on a scooter. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 17, 2021 Report Share Posted April 17, 2021 Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines. Ogilthorpe, PPPJJ-GCVAB and Big Tule 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 17, 2021 Report Share Posted April 17, 2021 I tried growing a beard during quarantine but couldn't pull it off. My wife said "Use a razor. It's more efficient." RWDW1204, cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 17, 2021 Report Share Posted April 17, 2021 Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money? It suffered from withdrawals. Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204 and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted April 17, 2021 Report Share Posted April 17, 2021 A limbo expert walked into a bar. He was immediately disqualified. cruisellama, Ogilthorpe, twangster and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted April 17, 2021 Report Share Posted April 17, 2021 Why did the pencil stink? Because it was a #2. cruisellama, twangster, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 17, 2021 Report Share Posted April 17, 2021 A slice of apple pie is $3.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in St. Thomas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and FManke 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 18, 2021 Report Share Posted April 18, 2021 I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out. Ogilthorpe and FManke 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 18, 2021 Report Share Posted April 18, 2021 I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work! Ogilthorpe, cruisellama, FManke and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 18, 2021 Report Share Posted April 18, 2021 What do you call a bear with no teeth?.........a gummy bear! Ogilthorpe, PPPJJ-GCVAB, FManke and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 18, 2021 Report Share Posted April 18, 2021 To be Frank, I'd have to change my name. twangster, Big Tule, FManke and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 19, 2021 Report Share Posted April 19, 2021 I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me. AlmondFarmer, cruisellama, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.