rjac Posted March 22, 2021 Report Share Posted March 22, 2021 7 hours ago, JLMoran said: And at a certain point, an expletive. Or an obscene hand gesture at least! Big Tule and WAAAYTOOO 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nhilding10 Posted March 23, 2021 Report Share Posted March 23, 2021 We all know why 6 was afraid of 7; because 7, 8 (ate), 9...but do we know WHY 7 ate 9? Because they needed 3 "squared" meals a day! cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted March 24, 2021 Report Share Posted March 24, 2021 What are caterpillars afraid of? Dogerpillars Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and poorly dressed man on a tricycle? Attire. JLMoran, Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 Wife: It's cold in here! Husband: Go stand in the corner. Wife: Why? Husband: The corner is 90° RWDW1204, Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 I have a phobia of German sausage. I fear the wurst. Ogilthorpe, Big Tule, JLMoran and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 Ancient Proverb: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Big Tule and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 Man to his wife: Did you hear about the actress who stabbed a paparazzi with her fork? Her name is Reese something or other. Wife: Witherspoon? Man: NO! With her fork! Ogilthorpe, JLMoran, Big Tule and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 2 hours ago, twangster said: Wife: It's cold in here! Husband: Go stand in the corner. Wife: Why? Husband: The corner is 90° (After that, he doesn't remember anything before waking up in the hospital) FIFY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 29, 2021 Report Share Posted March 29, 2021 Cows have hooves because they lactose. Ogilthorpe and Big Tule 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 30, 2021 Report Share Posted March 30, 2021 A Spanish magician tell the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “uno, dos...” then POOF he disappears without a tres... Big Tule, Ogilthorpe, JLMoran and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPS Posted March 30, 2021 Report Share Posted March 30, 2021 A friend of mine is always complaining about his car from Sweden. I'm tired of his Saab stories. Big Tule, RWDW1204, JLMoran and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 30, 2021 Report Share Posted March 30, 2021 There is a lot that could have been done better this year. Hindsight is 2020. Ogilthorpe and Big Tule 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted March 31, 2021 Report Share Posted March 31, 2021 A man in a hardware store picks up a can of wasp spray and asks a clerk “is this good for hornets?”. The clerk answers “No, it kills them”. Ogilthorpe, JLMoran, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted March 31, 2021 Report Share Posted March 31, 2021 A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll you have?" The rabbit replies "I don't know. I'm only here because of auto-correct." JLMoran, SebagoSue, SPS and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 1, 2021 Report Share Posted April 1, 2021 A scientist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone thought he was crazy but he was 0K. AlmondFarmer, Big Tule, RWDW1204 and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmondFarmer Posted April 1, 2021 Report Share Posted April 1, 2021 47 minutes ago, twangster said: A scientist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone thought he was crazy but he was 0K. Absolute zero will not think this is funny RWDW1204 and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmondFarmer Posted April 1, 2021 Report Share Posted April 1, 2021 A photon enters a hotel lobby. “do you have any luggage?” asks the receptionist. photon replies “no, I’m traveling light” Big Tule, Ogilthorpe, twangster and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmondFarmer Posted April 1, 2021 Report Share Posted April 1, 2021 I often get asked the correct pronunciation of “Almond” It depends...they are “almonds” when on the tree and “amonds” once off the tree. To get them off the tree, you gotta skake the “L” out of them. JLMoran, Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 2, 2021 Report Share Posted April 2, 2021 Miles is such a long name. RWDW1204 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 2, 2021 Report Share Posted April 2, 2021 Did you hear the story of the cow superhero? It was legend-dairy. Ogilthorpe, cruisellama and RWDW1204 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ampurp85 Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 What do you call a mythical creature that always wants to be in the spotlight? The centaur of attention What is the quietest sport? Bowling...you can hear a pin drop Why do opera singers make good sailors? They can handle high C's twangster, JLMoran, cruisellama and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 6, 2021 Report Share Posted April 6, 2021 There’s a shoplifting gang going through town systemically stealing clothes in size order. The police said they are still at large. cruisellama, rjac, Ampurp85 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Why are elevator jokes the best? They work on so many levels. cruisellama and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Why did Humpty Dumpty love autumn? - Because he had a great fall! twangster and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPS Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Little known fact: Koi fish travel in groups of four for safety. If a predator attacks, A, B, & C Koi can escape because the predator always goes after the D Koi. JLMoran, RWDW1204, twangster and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 If you have a bladder infection... urine trouble. Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204 and cruisellama 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Tule Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 cruisellama, RWDW1204, JLMoran and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 Come to think of it the shovel was a groundbreaking invention. cruisellama, Big Tule, RWDW1204 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender says, "Oh? What do you have?" "Fifty cents!" Ogilthorpe, RWDW1204, twangster and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 Can February March? No but April May. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 i gave away all my dead batteries... free of charge. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLMoran Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 Putting on my hazmat suit. This thread is turning into a pun fallout zone. emmef and cruisellama 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 14 minutes ago, JLMoran said: Putting on my hazmat suit. This thread is turning into a pun fallout zone. Do we need a Corny Pun thread? BTW... A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame. cruisellama, RWDW1204 and Ogilthorpe 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 This thread has been great, especially after a long day of dealing with the public. Thanks to all who contribute. twangster, Ogilthorpe, Big Tule and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 Today a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester. cruisellama, coneyraven and Ogilthorpe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cruisellama Posted April 8, 2021 Report Share Posted April 8, 2021 9 hours ago, cruisellama said: A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender says, "Oh? What do you have?" "Fifty cents!" He should have had a premium beverage package. coneyraven and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 9, 2021 Report Share Posted April 9, 2021 I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that seafood because now I feel a little eel. Ogilthorpe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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