HeWhoWaits Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 How is Christmas like a defective alphabet? No L Ogilthorpe, Chadster, WAAAYTOOO and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RCIfan1912 Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 Well this is a funny, unfinished joke that I couldn't tell or get the feeling right by typing it. always made me laugh. Its a little blue but funny. Video below. Fireman973, Ogilthorpe and FManke 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chadster Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 Why is being in a magic act so tough on rabbits? Hare today...gone tomorrow. RCIfan1912, Fireman973, WAAAYTOOO and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardW Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 A dyslexic man walks into a bra..... WAAAYTOOO, Ampurp85, Chadster and 3 others 1 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WAAAYTOOO Posted April 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 54 minutes ago, RichardW said: A dyslexic man walks into a bra..... That one took me a couple of seconds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeK Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 How many lawyer jokes are there? 2....the rest are true! FManke, Ogilthorpe and Fireman973 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeK Posted April 5, 2020 Report Share Posted April 5, 2020 A pirate goes into a bar and the bartender says: "Long time since I've seen you , man, you look terrible". The pirate says: "I feel fine". The bartender says: "Well, you didn"t have that wooden leg last time I saw you". "Well, I got into a battle and a cannon ball hit me in the leg, but I'm ok" "Well you didn't have that hook on your arm either". The pirate says: "Got in a sword fight and lost my hand". The bartender says: "What about the eye patch?" The pirate replies: " Well a bunch of sea gulls flew over the boat and when i looked up one of them crapped right in my eye." The bartender says :" How did that make you lose your eye?" The pirate replies: "It was the first day with the hook". RCIfan1912, WAAAYTOOO, FManke and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 Why shouldn't you write with a pencil that has a broken tip? Because there's no point. Ogilthorpe, FManke, Fireman973 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditchdoc Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 Did you hear about the Indian that broke the world record for drinking tea? The next day they found him drowned in his tea pee. FManke, Ogilthorpe and WAAAYTOOO 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLMoran Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 What did the mayonnaise say when the sandwich walked into the room? "Close the door, I'm dressing!" Chadster, Ogilthorpe, WAAAYTOOO and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chadster Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 2 men walked into a bar. The third one ducked. WAAAYTOOO, FManke, Ogilthorpe and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 Riddle time: What has four letters, occasionally has twelve, always has six but never has five? Ogilthorpe, Skigoofy, RWDW1204 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveinSC Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 On 4/3/2020 at 4:30 PM, Ampurp85 said: What did the Fisherman say to the Magician? Pick a cod, any cod. Fisherman mustve been from New England. JLMoran, WAAAYTOOO, Ogilthorpe and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotleyCruiser Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 When does a joke become a Dad Joke? When it becomes apparent. JLMoran, SteveinSC, Chadster and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 I told my girlfriend she painted her eyebrows on too high. She looked Surprised PRebecca, Ogilthorpe, FManke and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuzzywuzzy Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? He gets taller. JLMoran, WAAAYTOOO, PRebecca and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bean79 Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 RWDW1204, PRebecca, Fireman973 and 5 others 1 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bean79 Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 Chadster, DunkelBierJay, FManke and 7 others 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditchdoc Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 2 hours ago, rjac said: Riddle time: What has four letters, occasionally has twelve, always has six but never has five? Ha .... its all true. rjac and Ogilthorpe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?"And I told him, "No it doesn't!" WAAAYTOOO, FManke, JLMoran and 5 others 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmar02 Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 What do you call a sheep with a sword? A BAA-barian Ogilthorpe, Chadster, RWDW1204 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLMoran Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 A giraffe staggers into a bar and a moment later collapses, dead. A minute later, a guy walks in and says, "Oy! What's this lyin' on the floor?" Bartender looks over and says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe!" RWDW1204, coneyraven, FManke and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathbees Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 16 hours ago, rjac said: What has four letters, occasionally has twelve, always has six but never has five? It only has two letters. Ogilthorpe and RWDW1204 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPS Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 A little of the late, great Mitch Hedberg for you........ I bought some fake plants, but, I did not pretend to water them, so they died. I was at a friend's house and he asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said, "No, but, I want a regular banana later, so, yeah." FManke, Chadster, RWDW1204 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 3 hours ago, mathbees said: It only has two letters Nope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWhoWaits Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 3 hours ago, rjac said: Nope. @mathbees wasn't wrong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjac Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 26 minutes ago, HeWhoWaits said: @mathbees wasn't wrong! Yes, you're correct. However, my riddle wasn't asking for an answer. It was merely stating a fact, ie, "what has four letters.....". Ditchdoc had the correct response above "Ha .... its all true". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WAAAYTOOO Posted April 7, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, rjac said: Yes, you're correct. However, my riddle wasn't asking for an answer. It was merely stating a fact, ie, "what has four letters.....". Ditchdoc had the correct response above "Ha .... its all true". I just got it ! I am a bit slow....and a terrible riddle-solver. rjac and RWDW1204 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1978bucketlist Posted April 7, 2020 Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 Why did Johnny eat his homework? The teacher told him it was a piece of cake! Ogilthorpe, FManke, Chadster and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathbees Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 8 hours ago, rjac said: my riddle wasn't asking for an answer. It was merely stating a fact, ie, "what has four letters.....". Nor did I answer your riddle. I merely stated another fact... (and a question mark at the end of a statement usually indicates a question, if we're being pedantic). FManke 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chadster Posted April 8, 2020 Report Share Posted April 8, 2020 Why did the cowboy decide to adopt a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie. JLMoran, Ogilthorpe, FManke and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1978bucketlist Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? Candy Baa Have a safe and healthy Easter? FManke, WAAAYTOOO, PRebecca and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pima1988 Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 Not a corny joke, but this meme did make me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coneyraven Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 2 hours ago, 1978bucketlist said: What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? Candy Baa Have a safe and healthy Easter? Only in Bahston - or if you're having a drink at the Ahhh Bahhhh twangster, Chadster, FManke and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chadster Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 What jokes are allowed during stay-at-home orders? Inside jokes. WAAAYTOOO, Ogilthorpe, FManke and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twangster Posted April 10, 2020 Report Share Posted April 10, 2020 15 minutes ago, Chadster said: What jokes are allowed during stay-at-home orders? Inside jokes. Only if you use your stay-at-home voice while telling them. Inside voice that is... Chadster, WAAAYTOOO, JLMoran and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditchdoc Posted April 11, 2020 Report Share Posted April 11, 2020 When ships were made of wood and men were made of iron, gun powder fired cannons sat on deck for defense. These cannons used round cannon balls made of iron for ammunition. In order to keep the ammunition handy, a triangle shaped rack sat next to the cannon. The cannon balls were stacked inside this rack, taking on the shape of a pyramid. Like everything on ships, these racks had a name. They were called monkeys. Since the monkeys were somewhat permanent fixtures on board and subject to sea and and salt, they were made of brass to prevent rust and corrosion. As the ships navigated the world they would sometimes find themselves in arctic or antarctic waters with temperatures dipping into the negative digits. This would sometimes create a problem in that metals would shrink or contract in cold temperatures. The brass of the monkey rack, being a softer metal, would contract more than the iron cannon balls it held in place. This resulted in the iron cannon balls sometimes being squeezed out of the monkey rack where they would roll around the deck generally creating havoc. And thus coining the phrase: "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." FManke, PRebecca, WAAAYTOOO and 4 others 5 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chadster Posted April 11, 2020 Report Share Posted April 11, 2020 Ogilthorpe, coneyraven, JLMoran and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLMoran Posted April 11, 2020 Report Share Posted April 11, 2020 This popped up in my FB feed the other day, figured I'd share: A prominent linguist died. At the funeral, one of his former colleagues approached the linguist's widow and asked if he might say a word. She nodded, and he went up to the dais. He said, "Plethora", and sat back down. She smiled and through her tears said, "That means a lot." FManke, Chadster, Ogilthorpe and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FManke Posted April 12, 2020 Report Share Posted April 12, 2020 A jumper cable walks into a bar. the bartender says, "I'll serve you. But don't start anything." Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent! Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months. JLMoran, RWDW1204, Chadster and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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