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Corny Jokes


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A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.

"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"

"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

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3 minutes ago, Chadster said:

A pirate walked into a seaside tavern and asked for a drink. The bartender, turned away from the bar when the buccaneer walked in, pours the drink, but nearly drops it when he notices the sailor has a giant ship's wheel stuck to the front of his pants.

"Uh, capn'," the bartender says, "I hope you don't mind me askin', but what's with that-thar wheel?"

"Arrr...this thing?" The pirate asks. "|t drives me nuts."

Now that’s funny.

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Why did the baker get a second job?

She needed to raise more dough.

 

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine

 

Why did the pony go to the doctor?

He was a little horse.

 

Also my favorite of all time

Why do white girls travel in odd numbers?

Because they CAN"T even....

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Q: every fall (for those of us in the north) the geese fly south for the winter. For a few weeks, you can look to the sky and see large formations of geese flying in a giant "V". One curious aspect of the formation is that it is not balanced, one leg of the "V" is always longer. After years of research, they now know why. What do you think causes the phenomenon?

 

A: More geese on that side! ??

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A dog walks into a restaurant and sits at one of the tables. The waiter immediately shows up and promptly points to a sign on the wall that says " No dogs allowed !!"

The dog looks at the waiter and says " So who's smoking ? "

This was my late dad's favorite joke I still laugh more at his telling it than the actual joke :14_relaxed: 

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Here are two favorites from my childhood. Not because they are all that  funny, they don't really make any sense, that's the point,  but because of the reaction people have after you tell them. They either just look at you, because they don't get it or they have a kind of funny, nervous laugh, because they don't get it, but they think they should.

Kids do love them though.

 

Q: You're rowing your rowboat across your front yard and your front rear wheel falls off. How pancakes can you fit in a dog house?

A: None, because dogs don't like ice-cream on their bones!

 

Two seals are sitting in a tub.

One seal says to the other seal. "Pass me the soap."

The other seal answers, "What do I look like? A chair?"

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